Tomorrow will be 700 days of no alcohol and no smoking. 699 wild wild days today.
I have had to do a lot of soul searching over the past almost-700 days. I have had a lot of fun, and have a lot to be grateful for, but I have also had some really really rough days. There has been SO much going on in my life – working two jobs, long distance relationship, empty nest, and a million ideas swirling through my poor brain, great adventures and sometimes crushing, suffocating loneliness. I want to write a book, I want to write a screenplay, I want to start a cookie decorating business, I want to open a business, I want to move, I want to travel I want, want,want to live life to the fullest. My inner nomad or gypsy is fighting to break free and roam lol. I think though, that at the root of it is trying to figure out how to deal with feelings and emotions that I used to drink to drown out and that my “flight” instinct is kicking in in high gear.
My amazing and beautiful adventure partner is one of the kindest and most thoughtful people I have ever met in my life and I honestly think that this was one of my greatest gifts of sobriety, something that makes me SO thankful for being able to be present. I find so much joy in reciprocating as well. When I think about how horribly I was treated in my last relationship, it makes me so sad for the people who are still stuck in relationships like that. I have had to work hard to forgive myself for letting myself be treated that way (THAT was fun *insert eye roll here*).
I think that the thing that surprises me the most is how an urge or thought to drink can sneak up on you so quickly and unexpectedly. The other day I was driving through an area of the city that has some funky bars and I thought “Hey, I should stop in to one of these places for a drink!” and then that thought was immediately followed by “what the HECK?! Where did that come from?” I still have a cupboard fully stocked with specialty gingerales, la croix and rootbeers etc, which I actually love flinging open with gusto whenever I get the chance to show it off 🙂
My adventure partner and I booked a trip to China for March. It was spur of the moment – I saw a really great deal, emailed him about it and we decided to book it. AFTER that I started looking at reviews on the company (Compass Holidays) and have read some pretty bad/scary reviews. yikes. I am sure that we will have fun, even if we are stuck on a 10 day high pressure sales tour hahahaha. eeep. So if anyone out there has been on one of these trips and has good things to say, please say them! 😉
On a side note, I finally downloaded the Spotify App and love it. I will be baking and decorating cookies and think “hmmm… I wonder if there’s a cookie decorating playlist”, do a search for “cookie decorating playlist” and BAM! There is one and it has awesome songs on it! Same thing for housework. I’m guessing that this is how everyone listens to podcasts? Yes, I am about 2 years behind the times lol.
Hope you’re all doing so well, and finding the beauty in life ❤