608 or so crazy days, but I’m still here! (Update- I just noticed that it was exactly 20 months when I wrote this! Holy crow that went by quickly!! 😮)
I’ve been struggling off and on though with moods and how to deal with feelings (gross – feelings?! What do I do now that I’m not numbing or hiding from those things?!). Other days I’m awesomely happy and blissful. It’s a roller coaster for sure, but I have really been working through the rough days. I’m a worrier and I take everything personally, and I know that I need to work on both of those.
My adventure partner and I managed to get away for a week of road tripping, camping, exploring and fun. It was jam packed and very long days and lots of time in the vehicle but I think that it really really solidified the fact that we are really great at traveling together. It didn’t start off great though as we left on a Monday after a weekend that my mom had come out for a visit. I have struggled with a relationship with my mom for a very long time and this is the first time that I have spent time with her in person since I quit drinking. Just talking to her on the phone during early sobriety was enough to send me into a tailspin, fighting insane cravings to get blackout drunk. So needless to say, I was in a bit of a funk from when I dropped her off at the airport on the Sunday to shortly after when we left for our roadtrip on the Monday. He is such a gentle and kind soul though, and funny too, so I was able to kick the mood relatively quickly (although for a while there I’m sure he was pretty happy that he lives 6+ hours away from me and rarely has to see me in that kind of mood! haha.)
I have been dealing with (and trying to work through) a lot of anger lately too. I honestly think that part of it is because I’m eating pretty crappily and I’m not getting as much exercise and outdoor time as I need. I have been swamped working two jobs and falling behind on pretty much everything. Feeling overwhelmed for me = stress eating and very poor time management. I started having problems with my sciatic nerve too, which has made it painful to walk/run/hike.
Anyway… speaking of poor time management, I have a huge stack of work on my desk that I need to get to. 😉