60/31

Today marks 60 days since I decided to quit drinking, and 31 days sober, so I thought I’d write about the crazy roller coaster that has been the past two months. I’m not going to write about what led up to deciding to quit, I’ll save that for another post. I will say that it had escalated drastically over the past 3+ years to at least one, usually 2+ bottles of wine a night, sometimes followed by vodka if I *really* needed that escape.

September 26 – first day sober and bound at determined to not drink again. I also decided to quit smoking so first day on the patch. By day 2 I was already bartering with myself. “Make it 4 days and then you can reward yourself with a drink and ONE smoke”. Day 4 – bottle of wine & 2 cigarettes, timed to coincide with a night the boyfriend wasn’t home so that I could hide it. This carried on for several weeks. 4 days sober, 6 days sober, 2 days, 4 days etc. I encouraged the boyfriend to go out often. October 16 I dropped him off at the airport and drove straight to the liquor store for 2 bottles of wine and the gas station for a pack of smokes and got completely drunk (the last time that drunk). Wednesday the 19th I flew down to Texas to meet him, drank at the airport, on the plane, at the next airport and on the next plane. Arrived at the hotel and told him I wanted a beer “to let loose while on vacation!” (To try to hide the fact I had been drinking). Drank in moderation with him (and also secretly when I was by myself) over the next few days. Sunday we flew home. I purposely made sure our seats weren’t together on the flights and that his was several rows ahead and on the other side of the aisle from me (so that I knew when he fell asleep and could order a drink). Arrived home and made an excuse to go to the store and buy a bottle. Snuck it into the house, and said I was tired and going to lie down in the bedroom. Drank 3/4 of the bottle. Had that last glass 2 days later when he was out, drinking it slowly, savouring it and saying goodbye and that this HAD to end. I promised myself that I would use the money I saved to go on vacations, visit family,take my kids out! All the things I “haven’t been able to afford” for many years.

The next day I went to work, and decided to start a blog to vent, write it out etc. Imagine my surprise when I found out that there were other people doing the same thing!

The first two weeks were pure hell – insane sugar cravings, complete exhaustion, jittery, fidgety, itchier than I’ve ever been in my life (and I’ve had poison ivy lol. Ok maybe not QUITE that itchy!) I bought so many books and read non-stop. I bought cookies, chocolate bars and as many different flavours of sugary pop drinks I could find. I baked banana bread. I did not deny myself ANY cravings that I had (other than alcohol). Basically it was two weeks of eating, sleeping, reading, and anger. I was mad, oh boy was I mad. Mad at myself and everyone else. Slowly, slowly things started to ease off a bit and the sugar cravings aren’t as crazy, the extreme exhaustion abated a bit (to where I wasn’t falling asleep on the couch as soon as I got home). More tea than pop, less chocolate bars and cookies. Emotions still running high, and trying to figure out how to deal with those sober. I took MANY long hot showers, went for lots of angry walks, paced, drove, read, cranked up the music and danced, crawled under the covers in bed and hid. I did anything and everything I could to make it through, and here I am! 31 days. 

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21 comments

  1. sauvignonblackout · November 25

    a very honest post. Well done for 31 days! I am only on day 19 and it’s a strange feeling to pin point, but sometimes it feels like it’s getting harder, not easier. Other days I feel this is do-able. Sometimes it really is a moment by moment choice. I am with you on the sugar cravings! I am not eating properly at the moment. I won’t want any food then all of a sudden want something sweet, squidgy and smothered in chocolate. Even chocolate seems like it isn’t quite sweet enough some days, and its just a packet of sweets that will do. I am secretly outraged at this because when I was drinking, I ate so healthily and rarely had all the sugary crap I’m eating now. Keep up the good work, you are doing so well. Haha I bet the cookies and sweets etc in the US are waaay bigger and tastier than the stuff we get here in the UK!!! ‘Sugar envy’ 😉 xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 25

      Sauvignon, I’m in Canada and yes our sweets taste a lot different than English ones! I know from experience lol. Same here re eating healthy when I was drinking, so I think that may be part of what’s contributing to my rashes and spots all over my face now boohoo. Ps I was born in England. I try to get anyone who goes there to bring me back a jar or two of codliver oil & malt but no luck so far hehe

      Liked by 1 person

      • sauvignonblackout · November 25

        cod liver oil and malt? *shudder*! I think the last time I saw some of that stuff was when I was at a kid at my grandma’s house! …Why on Earth are you after a jar of that stuff?! Smells like toxic waste haha! xxx

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · November 25

        Hahahahaha!!! 😂 I used to love it when I was a kid! My mom used to give us a spoonful every day. Of course it’s probably been close to 30 yrs since I’ve had any, and I can imagine that I’ve built up that memory in my mind to remember it more lovely tasting than it actually was/is. Haha

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hurrahforcoffee · November 25

    OMG I remember the sugar cravings, I ate ice cream by the bucket load.
    I also didn’t know about this sober blogosphere and turns out it’s such an amazing help to have a community of people that are going through or have gone through similar things.

    Well done on 31 days!

    xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 25

      Thanks hurrah! I haven’t had much ice cream but mainly because it’s cold here so cookies dunked in hot chocolate are more appealing lol. This IS such a great community, isn’t it?! I’m so thankful that I stumbled across it. Yay for modern technology!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. suburbanbetty · November 25

    We really must do what must do for the first few months until we get our heads on straight. You’re working twice as hard since you have quit smoking as well. If you cave and have a cig do not feel like a failure. I have quit both drinking and smoking several times but never together. Smoking is waaaay harder (I think).

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 25

      They both just go so hand in hand for me that I think that continuing one while trying to quit the other would be a constant trigger for me and both are things I turned to in stressful situations. I’m currently 35 days since last cig . I only smoked around 8-10 a day though so that has probably made it a bit easier to quit.

      Liked by 1 person

      • suburbanbetty · November 25

        Well you know what’s best:). And you were just a “smoker-ette” anyway with your 1/2 pack:) I chain smoked a pack every night. EVERY NIGHT. And I missed it when I quit like I never missed booze. I still miss it. The only thing that keeps me from smoking is the thought of having to quit again.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. sobersuitsme · November 25

    Brilliant! Good for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. audreycandoit · November 26

    Congratulations on 31 days…that is amazing!! I’m on day 17 and still chugging along. I too smoke, trying to quit, but decided to get some traction with the drink first. I was shooting for December 1st but that’s coming up soon, ughhhh…….I don’t know. ha! Anyway, you’re doing great..so so proud of you. Big hugs. xxoo

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 26

      Thank you so much for your sweet words of encouragement. Congratulations on 17 days-that’s fabulous and I’m so proud of you too! Big hugs right back 🙂

      Like

  6. Rob · November 26

    Wow, I loved your honesty and your experiences with closet drinking I hope will help someone who may also have a problem. It GETS BETTER! I have 196 days. You are worth it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 26

      Thanks Rob, closet drinking was what I did for a LONG time. It makes for some weird looks when I tell people I quit drinking because no one really knew I had a problem. Congrats on 196 that’s awesome!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Rob · November 26

        Lol, that’s funny about the reactions. And thank you. I believe 35 years of debauchery about covered things for me finally.

        Like

  7. Untipsyteacher · November 26

    I am so very glad you are sober!
    It is very difficult at first, but it is also wonderful!
    Keep warm up there!
    Happy 31 Days!!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

  8. asobermiracle · November 27

    So the hard part is over, and you never have to go through it again! I am sitting here, wide awake, in a house where everyone else will be hungover when they do get up. It’s great to be (finally) on the other side.
    Congratulations!

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 27

      I have never been up as early and full of energy on weekends as I am these days lol. I’m a little nervous about the holiday season. The boyfriend came home yesterday with a selection of alcohol “because it’s that time of year! Need to have stuff on hand in case people drop by!” 😰

      Liked by 1 person

  9. beingmesober · November 30

    Oh the bargaining we do with ourselves! Enjoy the chocolate and sweets, they will help get you through. I used to crave sugar all the time and found out it was all part of withdrawal. Wow! Good for you for giving it a try, keep going. You will not be disappointed. Over power your mind.

    Like

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