Cruising along

Something happened yesterday that should have caused me to be bouncing around with excitement and happiness today, and I’m not. I’m thinking, overthinking and worrying. I’m feeling happy and then sad. Relief and then sadness. I will add that this happened after a week of feeling very out of sorts and fighting the urge to pick up a bottle of wine the entire darned week, every single day.

At the boyfriends urging (yet again) I went to the bar with him on Thursday evening. I took my own car and stayed for a few hours and had some good conversation and laughs and then I went home, by myself and just felt sad. During the course of the evening, another couple had said that they wanted to get away during the winter, but were on a tight budget. “Oh!” I said,”I’ve been looking into cruises and you can find some that are actually ridiculously cheap when you think that it includes accommodation, food, entertainment…!”. The wife perked up and replied “Oh really, how much are the cruises?” and before I even had a chance to reply my boyfriend butts in with “unlimited drink passes are $70/day!” Really? We’re looking into possibly going on a (THREE DAY) cruise about 5 months from now and that has been his main focus since I first suggested it. “Are drinks included in the price? Can you order alcohol with dinner? Are there bars/lounges on the boat? Can you take your own alcohol on? Can you buy unlimited drink passes?” I hadn’t even looked into the drink passes for him, but I see that he did! I had hoped that a cruise may be a test of a trip that we could take together as we don’t travel well together. I like to go off on adventures and go exploring and sightseeing while he likes to plop his butt down in one place, drink & cell phone firmly in hand and talk to the people sitting close by, watch tv or browse facebook. He prefers to travel with a group of friends, I prefer to travel with just us so that we can meet other people or aren’t tied down to group activities. I pay my own way, my half of the cost of the trip, plus I pay for any extra curricular activities or tours that we go on since they’re MY idea and it’s something that I want to do, not him. I was so frustrated after our last trip together that I began to think that maybe I should just take solo ones from now on. Then I thought about cruises and how a 3 or 4 day one would be a great thing for us to test out (neither one of us has ever been on one before) because I could go on the shore excursions and he could sit on the beach. There’s lots of entertainment and things to do on a cruise ship so sitting around drinking shouldn’t be a focus, right? I’m beginning to think I’m wrong.

Saturday I went out and did some shopping and he went out and loaded up on booze for the house for the holiday season “In case people drop by”. Yippee.

Sunday I had my kids over for dinner and had a great visit with them (and got some very exciting news!) while the boyfriend mostly watched the football game and drank beer. He did join us off and on at the kitchen table and we did join him off and on in the living room. I’m just feeling really… alone I guess. Melancholy? Sad? It doesn’t help that winter is here and I’m driving to and from work in the dark too. I’m sure I’d be in a better mood if it was bright and sunshiney and warm out ๐Ÿ™‚

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17 comments

  1. Untipsyteacher · November 28

    That’s a tough situation, where your boyfriend is a drinker, and you aren’t.
    Your idea of the cruise is a good idea.
    In the end, you have to take care of you.
    I am glad you had fun with your kids and had the good news!!
    xo
    Wendy
    PS – The dark days are very hard

    Liked by 2 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 28

      Thanks Wendy, near the end of my drinking he had cut back a lot with his so this behaviour is really throwing me for a loop lol. I guess I haven’t been the easiest person to live with these past few months though…

      Like

  2. Rob · November 28

    You are on a precarious slippery slope here girl. It is NOT ok for him to be pressing. It is NOT ok for you to be hanging around bars. Way too early in your sobriety. You need to lay it on the line. Lastly, sorry my tough love is tough, but thinking of going on a cruise with your nd hmmmm. Red flags waving violently here

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 29

      Thanks Rob. That’s why I have been taking my own vehicle – quick escape if needed. I have tried explaining to him over and over why I don’t want to go and I get responses like “Well I have a lot more respect for people who go and don’t drink, or only have 1 or 2 than I do for people who stay home by themselves” I see how I feel that day and decide if I’m up for trying it for an hour or so, or if I’d prefer to stay home.
      Why red flags waving re the cruise? I’ve never been on one but I thought out of any type of holiday to go on with him this would be the easiest to do our own thing yet still be together… We’ve been to an all-inclusive which I know I wouldn’t be able to do sober. We’ve been to small town Mexico where he just wanted to sit at local bars or on the beach drinking and I was worried about going off exploring by myself. So this seemed like a good option as I’d be able to do the excursions while he relaxed on the beach. I don’t know but I always do appreciate feedback or suggestions from others on any issues I face ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

      • Rob · November 29

        I meant red flags with bf surrounding alcohol and that you entertained not going on a cruise with him. One day at a time right?

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · November 29

        Ohh ok! I misread it. Yes, one day at a time.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hurrahforcoffee · November 29

    Dark winters are tough. I was born in Africa now live in England and I still struggle with the darkness. It sounds like your boyfriend is quite oblivious to your issues with alcohol. It almost sounds as if he thinks (hopes) it’s a phase and that you’ll join him down the drinking path again? I only say that because my husband used to do the same things.

    Re: Feeling down
    Have you heard about Dianorphin? I’ve experienced this first hand. Dianophin is a natural painkiller. When you are an addictive drinker Dianophin floods your brain and tries to restore homeostatis. The side effect of the dianorphin is depression.

    Have a read through this article you may find it useful:

    http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-24265/the-one-change-i-made-to-overcome-years-of-depression-anxiety.html

    xxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 29

      Hurrah, I have never heard of Dianorphin! I just read the article and will be bookmarking it! GREAT article!
      Re the boyfriend – I have tried explaining it to him numerous times. I have told him that it was probably a lot worse than he even realized and given him examples of how. He just doesn’t get it at all and I am just getting increasingly frustrated. I get more frustrated when I try to explain to him how I feel so I’ve just been silently stewing for the most part lately lol (deadly if I was still drinking)

      Like

  4. audreycandoit · November 29

    Awwww, feeling bad for you. Sounds like your SO is pushing the drinking and that can be hard on someone trying to stay sober. My own situation: hubs doesn’t drink, but when it comes to travel we are on opposite ends of the planet. I’m like you, like to do activities, etc…he likes to just sit or not go at all. I’ve started taking trips without him (go with my gf or one of my kids) – he gets jealous, but I just point out he didn’t want to go to begin with. Not an ideal situation, but so far it’s working. Maybe suggest to your SO that you want to take the trip, but you’d like both of you not to drink – see what his reaction is…just thinking. And so happy for your good news and the lovely visit with your kids. Hang in there, you’ll figure it out. Audrey

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 29

      Thanks for dropping by and taking the time to comment Audrey! I used to be completely baffled by couples who took separate trips, but now I completely get it! I have suggested the not drinking, but to him vacation = relaxing and relaxing = doing nothing with a drink in hand.
      Thank you for your congrats on the good news, I’ll be writing about it soon as it’s finally sinking in! haha!

      Like

  5. ainsobriety · November 29

    I wish it was sunny as well!
    It sounds like you would do well on a solo adventure. Perhaps that can be a sober gift to yourself?
    Or you could discuss it with you boyfriend. Stocking the house with alcohol is really not helpful for you…would he consider stocking some interesting non alcoholic drinks?

    When people stop over they don’t always need booze…sometimes not having it opens the door for other types of visits.

    Going to bars is a complicated thing. If everyone else is there to drink it is very hard to find a comfort zone.

    Protect yourself. Your needs are most important. And whatever you were like when drinking, you deserve support and respect now. We all do!

    Liked by 3 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 29

      Anne, I stock up on the NA drinks myself! I have found some really neat sparkling waters from drysparkling.com and on their website they even have a “how to pair with different foods”. They’re actually REALLY good even though “Juniper berry”, “lavender” and “rhubarb” don’t sound particularly appealing lol.
      Yes, I think a solo adventure would be a great sober present to myself ๐Ÿ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  6. beingmesober · November 29

    Hi, have you sat down with your boyfriend and told him how it makes you feel when he is constantly talking and drinking beer? In the beginning of sobriety you have to be open and honest with those around you and yourself. If the person can’t and won’t at least try for you then I think you should reevaluate more than your vacation.
    You should have a good and strong support system in place right now to HELP you now and months from now. Sobriety for those who don’t understand is very difficult. They are used to the old you, the new you is shocking him and he doesn’t know how to deal with you suddenly stopping the alcohol and everything that surrounding it.
    If you don’t tell him that it bothers you when he talks of drinking all the time he won’t get it! It’s a journey for all involved, not just you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 29

      I have tried, several times. At first I thought he was just having a hard time adjusting, but he has repeatedly made the same ignorant or rude comments even after I explain why they upset me. Every single week for the past two months he has done the bar thing 1-2 times a week even though I have basically begged to go somewhere else – a movie date perhaps? I know that at as my drinking increased these past few years and I was getting drunk before I went home because I didn’t want to go home, I thought he was acting like a bullish bore due to my drinking, but now I think I was partly drinking to handle being treated like that.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. beingmesober · November 30

    Oh gosh, well I wish you luck and maybe you should consider getting rid of him too…I’m so sorry to hear of people that don’t have supportive partners. I’m sorry for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. moderndaygirlsober · November 30

    My boyfriend is also a drinker. Our relationship revolved around drinking and partying when we hooked up. Our very first time kissing (a year before dating and had a friendship) we were wasted on St Patrick’s Day at the pub… waaaasted. Now I’m on day 10 (woo!!) and I’m struggling and he’s drinking still. I’m going to write about this today. I 100% understand in the same boat! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 30

      Hang in there chickie! It is definitely not easy staying sober when you have a significant other that continues to drink and/or is unsupportive, but you can do it! Writing about it really helps too.

      Liked by 1 person

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