I have been dealing with a LOT of stress lately (mostly at work). I have one staff member who is causing so many problems and doing things that I have never – IN MY CAREER – had to deal with before. It came to a head just over a week ago. It took every single ounce of control I had to not buy a bottle of wine on the way home that night. My mind kept going to all of the alcohol that the person I live with has in the house. I was so stressed out and so worried about what was going on at work that I just wanted to escape and hide and forget about it. I just kept telling myself “That’s no longer an option baby, so you better come up with some other things to do instead. Curl up on the couch and binge on netflix? Go for a bike ride? Call a friend to go for a walk or hike? Go to a movie?”
I have been back to drinking that SanPelligrino Lemonada (tart lemon) and the real gingery gingerales again like I was at the beginning of sobriety and eating boatloads of chocolate and/or sweet stuff. I have been feeling squirrely for lack of a better word. I want to run away and hide. That has always been me – I hate, hate, hate, hate HATE conflict of any type.
I took off for the weekend and did lots of hiking and exploring, sat in small coffee shops and bought ice cream, in towns hours and hours away. I came back with a clearer head but as soon as I got back to work on Tuesday (it was a long weekend here) I could feel the anxiety and panic creeping in. I wanted (and still want to) stick my head in the sand and not deal with any of it, but I have been forcing myself to try to deal with it head on, hands shaking and face flushed with frustration lol.
Still sober! 289 days today, and my sobriety clock had a very apt saying for me today 🙂