Pouty face

When I was young my mother used to tell me not to pout. In her mind, I had a generally sulky attitude when I was little and she hated it. I try to be anything but pouty and sulky as an adult, but this past weekend was a bit of an exception.

Friday night the boyfriend wanted to go out for dinner (surprise! A real date night?!) but then one of his friends called and wanted to get together so he changed our plans to meet up with this guy at a lounge instead. Dinner at a lounge so that they could watch the hockey game and drink. I took my own car so that I could leave early as I didn’t feel like being the designated driver again for him. Just as I was getting ready to leave in flounces a woman he was seeing at the same time as me when we first got together. She was drunker than a skunk and having a ball with a group of friends. She was so happy to see him and while they were saying their hellos I slinked out (pouting). I wasn’t pouting because she was there but I was pouting because I felt a real hard sharp twinge of jealousy over another woman my age being carefree, drunk and having fun. So I drove all the way home, fuming and pouting and mentally giving my mother, the boyfriend and the drunk woman the middle finger. THIS situation right there – when I was drinking – would have been a recipe for disaster. I would have gone home to drink, got more mad and upset and blown everything completely out of proportion. I did acknowledge what I was feeling and I let it wash over me and then gradually slide away. I made myself a huge bowl of icecream and hot chocolate and found a comedy show on tv to watch. The boyfriend came home about an hour later and wanted a pat on the back for being home early and not drinking much.

Saturday I had a ton of stuff to do around the house and had to get ready for a candle party thing I was having Sunday afternoon. Boyfriend has stuff to do outside and errands to run. He tells me that he’s going to call up one of his drinking buddies to run errands with him. Yeah right, I tell him that would be a write off of the day, but he does, and it was. They end up going over to the drinking buddies house while I’m out running errands. The drinking buddie’s wife texts me to invite me over for dinner and a visit and I make up an excuse, rent some movies and go home, and sulk again.

I must have opened and closed the liquor cabinet doors about 20 times this weekend. Those “just go on a bender” “Just have a drink” “Go and get drunk, just one night then you can go back to being sober again” thoughts, ughhhh really, 4 months sober and they can still come on that strongly and last for an entire weekend?

 

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33 comments

  1. bluebird487 · March 6

    You’re a grown up and you can pout all you want! 🙂 That sounds like a pretty rough weekend, I admire your strength. Can you take a break from being around alcohol/people drinking for a bit? Sounds like you need an escape – maybe a massage/spa day or a “sick day” from work spent in another town playing tourist?

    Liked by 3 people

    • That is actually an amazing suggestion, and I think I will take your advice. I could really do with a day off and I do love road trips and playing tourist! 😁 thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Elizabeth · March 6

    Way to go on staying strong! Agree with bluebird- take a day away- all for you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ainsobriety · March 6

    Great job putting yourself first.
    The connection between fun and carelessness will always be there with booze. It seems like a great way to relax and stop thinking.
    But it just doesn’t actually turn out that way often. Instead it’s depressing and anger inducing and we feel like crisp the next day.

    Don’t be fooled by appearances. You are probably having more fun than anyone else. No regrets!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks Anne. You’re so right, it does seem like a great way to relax and stop thinking, but I know now that it actually added so much extra stress and thinking/worrying and wasted time and lost memories.
      No regrets.

      Liked by 4 people

  4. running from wine · March 6

    Okay, 1st of all you are doing amazing!!! Your boyfriend needs to accept you and appreciate you for who you are (if I would have learned this 20 years ago, wow!!!)…. that being said, you probably love him. If so, you are doing an amazing job at sobriety so celebrate yourself!!!! Buy yourself something nice, take these drinking nights of his as nights to pamper yourself…(just fyi, I am trying the same tactics with my high school boyfriend who I have been married to for 20 years now)!!!! We can do this…..we just need confidence, support and encouragement. You are amazing, strong, and WE can have a life that embraces them, but treats ourselves better…..love and hugs.. Christy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Christy. You are so right about taking his drinking nights as pampering myself nights. I sure get lots of them! I really have to work on my confidence and I’m sure that will come, it already has improved quite a bit I think. Congrats on your 20 years! If my ex husband and I had stayed together it would have been our 25th this year – unbelievable! (We made it 15 yrs lol)

      Liked by 1 person

      • running from wine · March 7

        Thank you and well done to you on 15 years (that in itself takes a lot of commitment) and hopefully it all worked out for the best. Everything happens for a reason, I am a strong believer in that! I seriously need to work on my confidence too and hence the yoga and trying to eat healthier here! I think not drinking will help a lot!!! Remembering things will in itself be a confidence booster!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I am a firm, firm believer in the fact that things happen for a reason. Sometimes that reason doesn’t become clear for years later too.
        I’m trying to eat healthier, it’s actually amazing how much healthier I’m eating and how much my tastes have changed. I still have a super duper sweet tooth though!

        Like

    • PS – love and hugs to you too. Donna

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Lamar Washington · March 6

    I still get those thoughts from time to time after four years. It’s usually just a reflection of me resenting someone, something, or myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. quitboozen · March 7

    Love your posts, so entertaining. Good on you for seeing right through the same old tricky thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. MrsMac · March 7

    Pout all you like if it keeps you out the liquor cabinet! I think you have been really strong and definitely given your sober muscles a workout. I always get cravings when I’m angry and b/friend drinking all weekend would have pissed me off, especially when he changed date night to accommodate a drinking buddy. I agree you should take time to do something just for you, treat yourself and when your b/friend is out drinking see it as being able to have some you time xxx

    Liked by 4 people

    • Thanks MrsMac. Boyfriend told me last night that we’re invited out again this Friday to a bday party with his “heavy drinking group of friends”. I’m going to skip it. I don’t know how that group keeps up their pace every weekend – they’re all mid 50’s and they go until 3 or 4am! I feel older than them for goodness sake lol, but I be they feel a heck of a lot older than me the next morning! 😉

      Like

  8. Untipsyteacher · March 7

    That’s a hard situation, and even pouting you handled it well.
    You were thinking about taking care of you.
    Drinking would be mean to do to yourself.
    I had urges after 4 months, and still have an occasional thought.
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you wendy ❤ You are so right that drinking would be mean to do to myself and i should think about it that way as I have been trying so hard to be kind to myself.
      I have to be brave now and go and drive through a blizzard to get home! They were warning about it for days and then changed the forcast to miss my area completely. I drove to work this morning in beautiful weather and then it hit here a few hours ago. Boohoo!! Can't wait for winter to be over!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Untipsyteacher · March 7

        We had tornados in our state last night!
        Highs up to 64!!!
        I am in Boise, Idaho, visting some family.
        Its cold here!
        xo

        Liked by 1 person

      • Tornados??! In March?!! Holy crow! We had thunder snow in some areas yesterday followed by this blizzard. Crazy weather. Mother Nature should think about getting sober 😉 Did you drive out to Idaho? I hope you have a wonderful visit with family!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Untipsyteacher · March 7

        We flew out here.
        Tomorrow heading to San Antonio.
        Just for fun!
        Yes, crazy weather!!!
        xo

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Dewy · March 7

    Sorry for an awful weekend . I can’t stand it either when hubby drinks .
    I’m glad you resisted. Just think of it this way from what I can see you’re much more attractive than that drunk of a woman . You’ve got a great attitude.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. asobermiracle · March 7

    It seems like something about your situation has to change. I agree with the no more liquor in the house. Why should you put yourself through that? The boyfriend can hide it in the garage or something. What about throwing yourself into yoga on the weekends? Or walking? Or traveling? I admire that you’ve been able to stick it out, but why should you have to accommodate all these people? I know, I know. It’s just life, but you deserve some down time. ; )
    xoxo!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I am starting to find different ways to keep busy on the weekends, I have found that’s really important. As the weather starts to improve here I may start doing long day trip road trips or even weekend getaways. It will get easier once winter is over and the days are longer. My boyfriend won’t get rid of the alcohol in the house and come summer that will only get worse so I will have to have a grip on some good distractions / me time by then 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • asobermiracle · March 9

        I know what you mean about the weather. I am hibernating but am also desperate to get out. Daylight Saving time is this weekend! This means more daylight starting Sunday. Thank God! I am beginning to feel like a vampire.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I can’t WAIT for Sunday actually! I usually don’t get home from work until around 6:30 and I don’t have windows in my office so really it’s no wonder I’m a mcbitchybitch over the winter – barely ever seeing sunlight lol (that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!)

        Liked by 1 person

      • asobermiracle · March 9

        I remember those days. Going in to work in the dark, getting out in the dark. Also in a room with no windows. Just two more days and my last excuse is gone too. I am so over winter, but I had no idea that that is why I’m a mcBitch. ; )

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Hurrahforcoffee · March 8

    You deserve a medal! I don’t know how you did that. I’m in awe of you. Your boyfriend might need to tolerate no booze in the house for at least a year. Honestly, I can’t have the stuff in the house it’s too easy to pick it up in a fit of rage. If I have to drive to get it gives me time to reassess the situation and puts ‘time’ between me and the wine. xxx

    Liked by 3 people

    • There’s no way that he would tolerate no alcohol in the house. Thank you for your kind words, it is so reassuring to have everyone on here in my corner and be able to get things like this off my chest.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Paul S · March 8

    Good work on keeping to your own stuff. I don’t know how I would react if my partner had lots of nights with drinking pals. I would probably not react much, but only when it affects our time together, or the quality of that time. Every situation is different, but remember to protect your sobriety. It’s more important right now that anything else – social situations, other people’s feelings, etc. Does you boyfriend support your recovery?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Paul. The best way I can describe it is that he supports it as long as it doesn’t affect him. If that makes sense. He knows how bad my drinking was (he brought it up a lot), but he wanted me to slow down not quit. He has accepted that I’m no longer drinking, but does get upset sometimes if I leave a party early or don’t go to their Thursday night lounge (wings & beer!) nights or Friday night steak & beer nights. He’s 55 and very set in his ways and routine and a happy member of a group of heavy drinking friends.
      Thank you for your words of encouragement, I really do appreciate them.

      Liked by 1 person

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