When I was young my mother used to tell me not to pout. In her mind, I had a generally sulky attitude when I was little and she hated it. I try to be anything but pouty and sulky as an adult, but this past weekend was a bit of an exception.
Friday night the boyfriend wanted to go out for dinner (surprise! A real date night?!) but then one of his friends called and wanted to get together so he changed our plans to meet up with this guy at a lounge instead. Dinner at a lounge so that they could watch the hockey game and drink. I took my own car so that I could leave early as I didn’t feel like being the designated driver again for him. Just as I was getting ready to leave in flounces a woman he was seeing at the same time as me when we first got together. She was drunker than a skunk and having a ball with a group of friends. She was so happy to see him and while they were saying their hellos I slinked out (pouting). I wasn’t pouting because she was there but I was pouting because I felt a real hard sharp twinge of jealousy over another woman my age being carefree, drunk and having fun. So I drove all the way home, fuming and pouting and mentally giving my mother, the boyfriend and the drunk woman the middle finger. THIS situation right there – when I was drinking – would have been a recipe for disaster. I would have gone home to drink, got more mad and upset and blown everything completely out of proportion. I did acknowledge what I was feeling and I let it wash over me and then gradually slide away. I made myself a huge bowl of icecream and hot chocolate and found a comedy show on tv to watch. The boyfriend came home about an hour later and wanted a pat on the back for being home early and not drinking much.
Saturday I had a ton of stuff to do around the house and had to get ready for a candle party thing I was having Sunday afternoon. Boyfriend has stuff to do outside and errands to run. He tells me that he’s going to call up one of his drinking buddies to run errands with him. Yeah right, I tell him that would be a write off of the day, but he does, and it was. They end up going over to the drinking buddies house while I’m out running errands. The drinking buddie’s wife texts me to invite me over for dinner and a visit and I make up an excuse, rent some movies and go home, and sulk again.
I must have opened and closed the liquor cabinet doors about 20 times this weekend. Those “just go on a bender” “Just have a drink” “Go and get drunk, just one night then you can go back to being sober again” thoughts, ughhhh really, 4 months sober and they can still come on that strongly and last for an entire weekend?