I’ve started writing out posts several times a day every day this week. Then deleted. Then re-written. Deleted again. Here I am again. Back and forth, back and forth.
I’m struggling this week. I’m tired, I’m mentally exhausted and I’m feeling sad. I just want to curl up in bed under the covers and feel sorry for myself. Actually, I want to verbally lash out at people and THEN go and curl up under the covers and hide. I’m feeling really overwhelmed at work and in my thoughts. I work in a really fast paced, no supervision environment and I usually excel at it. I need to be creative and I need to be able to jump back and forth between multiple different things, and I need to always be friendly when dealing with the public, which I have to do a lot. I have to plan ahead and yet be on the ball with deadlines. This past month I have been none of these. I don’t feel creative and I am missing deadline after deadline and I do NOT want to put a smile on my face when dealing with the public but I have to anyway, so I’m spending most of the time hiding in my office hoping that no one knocks on the door. Yes, I’m sure THAT’s going to help, lol.
I have had an uneasy feeling this week too, something that I can’t put my finger on but that feels scarily like the morning after a blackout. Did I do something that I can’t remember? Is my poor brain struggling with the fact that I HAVEN’T had a blackout for over 122 days now?
Anyway, I promised myself that I would take the afternoon off work and go home and have a nap today and here it is, the middle of the afternoon and I have about 2 hrs worth of work that I HAVE TO DO before leaving work. Geez I need a good old kick in the butt! Somebody please dangle a piece of chocolate cake in front of me for motivation or something! 😀