Back and forth

I’ve started writing out posts several times a day every day this week. Then deleted. Then re-written. Deleted again. Here I am again. Back and forth, back and forth.

I’m struggling this week. I’m tired, I’m mentally exhausted and I’m feeling sad. I just want to curl up in bed under the covers and feel sorry for myself. Actually, I want to verbally lash out at people and THEN go and curl up under the covers and hide. I’m feeling really overwhelmed at work and in my thoughts. I work in a really fast paced, no supervision environment and I usually excel at it. I need to be creative and I need to be able to jump back and forth between multiple different things, and I need to always be friendly when dealing with the public, which I have to do a lot. I have to plan ahead and yet be on the ball with deadlines. This past month I have been none of these. I don’t feel creative and I am missing deadline after deadline and I do NOT want to put a smile on my face when dealing with the public but I have to anyway, so I’m spending most of the time hiding in my office hoping that no one knocks on the door. Yes, I’m sure THAT’s going to help, lol.

I have had an uneasy feeling this week too, something that I can’t put my finger on but that feels scarily like the morning after a blackout. Did I do something that I can’t remember? Is my poor brain struggling with the fact that I HAVEN’T had a blackout for over 122 days now?

Anyway, I promised myself that I would take the afternoon off work and go home and have a nap today and here it is, the middle of the afternoon and I have about 2 hrs worth of work that I HAVE TO DO before leaving work. Geez I need a good old kick in the butt! Somebody please dangle a piece of chocolate cake in front of me for motivation or something! πŸ˜€

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27 comments

  1. chaos-xd · February 24

    Lol, I love the humour in your writings even though it’s all about a struggles! Now be very good and promise yourself to not take down this post! 😐

    Liked by 1 person

    • chaos-xd · February 24

      And excuse that random “a” before “struggles” πŸ˜”
      I hate the unfixable typos!

      Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · February 24

        That’s minor! I sent an email off this morning that had the word “dick” instead of “dock” and I noticed it as I hit the send button. Noooooo!!!! hahahah

        Liked by 4 people

      • chaos-xd · February 24

        Lmfao!!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
        That just made me laugh out loud!

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · February 24

        Yeah, glad you could laugh about it – I believe the sentence it was used in went something like “we should look at holding more events there – it has a beautiful dick to sit on – great views too”
        ahhhh… mah gawd…. seriously though I have been giggling about it all day.

        Liked by 5 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 24

      I won’t take it down – it’s the first one this week I’ve actually hit “publish” on lol. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. soberinvegas · February 24

    oh noooo! hopefully a nap (maybe a bath?! I feel like those always re-center me) and some time for your brain to re-set will help. sending good thoughts ❀

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I Quit Wineing · February 24

    I am feeling the same. Hence my break from blogging for a while. I hope its a stage. I hope it will pass.

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 24

      I’m sure it will pass. I was thinking on my way home today that I probably used to have stages like this but those were the days/weeks where I’d be drinking as soon as I left work and topping off my bottle of wine with vodka. I’m really struggling with how to deal with the “I need a friggin’ drink!” Days. My boyfriend has been coming home and drinking every night this week and that doesn’t help either ☹️

      Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 24

      Ps – sorry to hear you’re feeling the same way. ((Big hugs))

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Untipsyteacher · February 24

    I am glad you got a nap in!
    I have been down again too…I think because of the return to winter here, and cloudy days.
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

  5. sauvignonblackout · February 24

    Chocolate and ice cream, a bath with some lit scented candles, really comfy joggers and borrow a puppy for the afternoon! Xxx btw your typo you sent about ‘dicks to sit on’ made me laugh and I spat my tea everywhere hahaha xxxx big hugs xxxx

    Liked by 2 people

  6. tiredoftreadingwater · February 24

    Epic typo, so funny. I’m sorry you’re feeling under the weather, I hope your nap helped x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. daisy4leafclover · February 25

    I’m feeling very much the same, I deleted my blog, even though Im not drinking, I just felt it was so boring compared to you guys, I hurt from head to toe, I’m nearly 2 months in, where does this pain come from? I’m tired all the time and work is driving me crazy, I’m so bored!! We’ll just have to wing it, one day at a time x

    Liked by 3 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 25

      Daisy, I’m sorry that you deleted your blog, I think that they’re a great way to write down what we’re going through and be able to look back on it later on! I feel like mine are all over the place and completely discombobulated most of the time. I’m always surprised when people leave replies because I think “really? You actually read that big huge rambling page long paragraph?! 😳” but it’s so great to have the support and know that there are others out there struggling along too. ❀ yes, winging it one day at a time is what we have to do! Hang in there kid, and congrats on your nearly 2 months! I don’t know where the pain comes from but that DOES subside! Now I need someone to tell me that the million wrinkles that have sprung up on my face and aged me 10 years will magically disappear! πŸ˜’ where’s that Pail of ice cream dang it? 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      • daisy4leafclover · February 26

        I know, I wish I hadn’t deleted it now, was having a bad day yesterday and there was nowhere to go for support. Fortunately my mum talked me out of drinking. Pleased to know the pain subsides, I have to say though, my skin looks so good! The open pores I’ve always had have reduced so much, I think that’s because I’m sober i put my creams on at night now. X

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · February 26

        Start a new blog! Maybe it’s like Facebook on here and you can never really delete it haha… sorry to hear you were having a bad day, but glad to hear that your mum talked you out of drinking!
        That is great to hear about your skin!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Hurrahforcoffee · February 25

    Nap as much as you can !!! I folded half the laundry the other and that exhausted me so much I had to take a nap:) I feel like I’m 90! Hope you feel better soon. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Elizabeth · February 26

    Oh I hope you’re feeling better. I was the same with my posting- dreaded going near the computer. And the delete button was used often. Thanks for the much needed laugh!! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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