ramble

I had one of those weekends where I can look back on it and say “thank god I was sober. Seriously.” The whole weekend would have taken a completely different turn if I had still been drinking.

It started off with the Thursday night drink mixup at the bar.

Friday night my boyfriend and I went out for appetizers and bowling with my oldest son and his fiance. I was just going to go by myself but my boyfriend decided that he wanted to go as well. My boyfriend sat back while I paid for everything, then proceeded to tell me on the way home that he had just received a huge bonus at work. He and I are very different with our money and although we live together we keep separate finances, thank goodness. I have a pretty low income with my field of work but love my job as it is a feel good job haha. For me it is all about the memories; for him everything has a monetary value and he will even bitch about the cost of something that he doesn’t even pay for. (If I had been drinking – restaurant bill would have been a LOT higher. Bowling would have included drinking and then I would have been itching to get home to continue drinking and not fully appreciating just being there having fun. Maybe I would have been upset and confused at the boyfriend not chipping in for appies or bowling and made a snarky comment to him over it)

Saturday the boyfriend went snowmobiling with friends (I’m too slow to keep up with them apparently). I had a wonderful day with my two youngest kids, did some touristy stuff and went out for lunch. It was awesome, laid back and fun. Saturday night boyfriend and I went over to his friends house that he had gone snowmobiling with. There was a new addition to the group – a single woman who had been snowmobiling with them the last few times too. I’m not sure how she joined their group, but I do know that she was quite flirty with my boyfriend that night and he couldn’t keep his eyes off her, and damn it she was a heavy drinker and tiny framed! I could feel myself getting more and more anxious and upset but didn’t say anything or let it show. We stayed late, but left at a decent hour before everyone was stupid drunk. (If I had been drinking – probably would have had drinks with lunch with my boys (why?), and Saturday night I know for sure that I would have really let it upset me and freaked the hell out on my boyfriend on the drive home, blowing everything out of proportion, drank more at home and carried my fit through to Sunday)

Sunday I texted my sisterΒ  a simple question, innocently asking her if she was mad at my sons fiance (my son had asked me if I knew what was going on due to something that had happened online). She responded with a “oh no, of course not!”, and changed the subject. Fine… well then my son texts me all upset because my sister just texted him a big long super nasty text! What the heck! I assume that something else is going on with her so I text her to ask her if she’s ok. She then freaks out on me and tells me that I’m upsetting her. What?? I’m so confused. I apologize for upsetting her and leave it at that. It really upset me though because I had no idea what happened and why she reacted the way she did, or how I should handle it. I just “turtled” lol, and when I drove by the liquor store later that day I almost longingly thought that it would be soooo nice to bury my racing thoughts and emotions in a good old drunk up. I didn’t act on that thought. It bothered me all weekend. It is still bothering me. This is on top of a few other things that she has done lately that I have let slide. I live so far away from my sisters that it’s hard to connect sometimes. It shouldn’t be with the modern technology, but it is. I apologized to my son for my sisters behaviour, and that I somehow set it off. He did nothing wrong, and my sister is lashing out at his fiance for something that happened after they first got together when they were teenagers for gods sake. Almost 5 yrs ago! Ughh… (If I had been drinking – I would not have dropped this. I would have used it as an excuse to drink even more, maybe pick up an extra bottle of wine, and there would have been lots of angry texts or phone calls. My anger towards that would also have spilled over into the angry emotions that I had on Saturday night so I probably would have found a reason to lash out at my boyfriend as well. Instead of sitting here this morning trying to focus on the positives of the weekend while trying to figure out how to handle the sister situation, I would have still been angry, upset, felt justified in whatever course of irrational action I had taken.)

Yesterday was a stat here and I got out and enjoyed the beautiful weather we’re having. Lots of fresh air, by myself. Made a nice dinner when I got home and did a 1/2 workout followed by a 1/2 sweaty jog on the treadmill. Had a good sleep. (If I had been drinking – after the other events of the weekend I would have been in no shape or form to get out, to exercise or to run on the treadmill. Stat day = extra drinking day)

119 days alcohol free / 122 days smoke free / 148 days since I started the journey to sobriety.

 

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20 comments

  1. tarnishedsoul · February 21

    Ugh…I had a weekend too, that would have been for different, if I were still drinking. Thankfully, I overcome the temptation.
    People like you and I have today and today is the one that matter.

    Liked by 2 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 21

      That is true TarnishedSoul. Thank you for dropping by, and I’m glad that you resisted tempation this weekend too πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • tarnishedsoul · February 21

        We have to remember to lean on one another. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 2 people

  2. daisy4leafclover · February 21

    Ugh what a weekend, sober or not my boyfriend and sister would have both got a bollocking x

    Liked by 2 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 21

      hahaha, thanks for the giggle Daisy πŸ™‚
      I think I’ve been too exhausted lately to drum up the energy to give anyone a bollocking πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. shehidbehindtheglass · February 21

    %$#@&!! SauvignonBlackout, if you read this I was typing out a reply to your comment and I don’t know what I did but I deleted your comment and I think some other ones as well. I’m sorry! I was trying to reply that it wasn’t as easy and breezy to stay sober this weekend as it may have sounded on my post.

    Like

  4. Kelly- A Better Path · February 21

    So glad you were able to take good care of yourself in spite of the ups and downs of the weekend. Sounds like it is time to have some chats. I would keep an eye on bf and your ears open. As for your sister it would be nice if you could have a heart to heart. Something is bothering her and getting to the bottom of it is the only way to feel better. It can be hard to do these things sober but it is also a lot easier! GL my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 21

      Hi Kelly, thanks for dropping by. Yes, I am a little worried about bf. He’s 55 though and hopefully it won’t go any further than him just admiring another woman for her personality? I spoil him pretty rotten at home but the past few months have been a pretty difficult adjustment for both of us.
      I think I will give it a few days with my sister and then try calling her. Thank you. ❀

      Like

  5. I Quit Wineing · February 21

    I don’t like the sound of the new woman in the group. But then again I do have a problem with jealousy!!! And I know all about sisters. I could write a book about the relationship with mine. Give her a few days and then try and meet for coffee and discuss it. Don’t text. Too easy to back out over text messages. Talking in Real life is much better!

    Liked by 2 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 21

      I have a problem with jealousy too, which is why I’m trying to just not overreact about it.
      I WISH I could meet my sister for coffee – it’s a 3 hr plane ride though (or 24 hr car ride). I will try calling her I think, in a few days. I have to get my feelings in check first because I’m not sure what to say to her.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I Quit Wineing · February 22

        Do the work first! Byron Katie, might make it easier to come to the conversation in a neutral zone 😘

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · February 22

        YES! I will do that. Thank you πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Mark David Goodson · February 22

    Love your “by the numbers!” Winning!

    I couldn’t believe how easy my finances became when i quit drinking. All of a sudden I could put money away instead of blowing it. I can remember waking up with that empty wallet and missing credit card. So glad I don’t wake up to that chaos anymore.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. AddictedSophie · February 22

    I am so afraid of these kind of weekends. I haven’t had anything like this so far…but I know I will. Friends, stress, negative events etc might kick my butt in the future. It doesn’t mean I will drink, it will just be hard.

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 23

      It’s been pretty challenging for sure. I was reading on another blog how someone gets through the urge to drink by visualizing what will happen if she DOES drink. Not just that night, but the next morning and following week, and the damage control she’d have to do. I am so glad that this past weekend happened this far into my sobriety! Pheww!

      Liked by 2 people

  8. tiredoftreadingwater · February 23

    Wow, that’s a lot happening. Well done for dealing with it all sober πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Elizabeth · February 23

    You def rose to the occasion! Awesome woman you are! ❀

    Like

  10. Paul S · February 23

    Great self awareness happening. So important to feel the feelings as they happen. They may suck, but important we’re not bottling them up via the bottle. And by all means have conversations if it means that it’s challenging…better than holding resentments!

    Thank you for sharing this.

    Paul

    Liked by 1 person

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