F’ing mixup

I went out with friends tonight to celebrate someone’s birthday.

I ordered my usual alcohol free fun drink (virgin Malibu rain = cranberry & pineapple juice with a splash of 7-up). 

Person next to me decided to order the same but with alcohol (Malibu rum & banana liqueur)

Waitress comes back with two identical drinks, but one has an additional white straw. The one with the extra white straw gets put in front of me.

I have no sense of smell (from years of nose being buried in a wine glass?) but I sniff my drink anyway because I’m nervous for some reason and I think I smell alcohol. I ask the person on the other side of me if she thinks there’s alcohol in it. She sniffs it, then a little taste. No she says, it’s fine.

I take a little sip on the straw, just enough to touch my tongue, and there it is. I knew immediately. I sat there frozen and you know what went through my mind? “I could drink this all and no one else would know.”

I told the girl next to me that I thought our drinks had gotten mixed up and she took a taste of each and said “oh! Haha yep you’re right!” And we swapped, but man that just changed the whole evening for me. I didn’t want to order another drink all evening in case there was another mixup because I knew if it happened again I honestly think I would have drank it. I hope that I wouldn’t have, but I think maybe I would have and that bothers me a lot. 

114 days. I’m not restarting the counter for something I didn’t even swallow so tomorrow will be 115 days damn it!

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38 comments

  1. ainsobriety · February 17

    I often feel that way with mocktails. Unsure.
    Mostly I drink red bull or coffee. It’s simpler.

    It’s a weird feeling.

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 17

      It’s usually fine where we go because it’s a small place with very few people, but I guess I learned a lesson there. Mmm coffee!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. 1Wise-Woman · February 17

    Strength right there!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lamar Washington · February 17

    You wouldn’t have drank it. You want to be sober today.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. daisy4leafclover · February 17

    Just a reminder never to take our eye off the ball, xx

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Hurrahforcoffee · February 17

    PAWS peaks around 3 to 6 months in. This is a particular hard time so just know that there is end in sight. My ‘stretches’ the past couple of years were mostly 3-6 and 9 months! I only recently realised why. I was feeling shit and thought what’s the point of being sober if I’m going to feel like shit anyway I may as well be drunk. Need to just get past this… the brain is healing have faith. xxxx

    Liked by 4 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 17

      Ughh you know what – I have been thinking lately “What’s even the point in being sober? I feel like crap, look like crap, this is total bullshit” and there I had the golden opportunity last night to start drinking again. I’m so thankful I didn’t. I keep hoping it’s going to get better and I’m sure it will…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hurrahforcoffee · February 17

        Keep going. You dont want to have to go through all of this again do you?! I know you dont. xxx

        Liked by 2 people

      • shehidbehindtheglass · February 17

        No, no I really really don’t want to go through all this again. I can’t.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Hurrahforcoffee · February 18

        Me neither. xxx

        Liked by 1 person

      • MilesAwayGrrrl · February 18

        On this subject – have you actually read much about PAWS? Just checking as when I found out about that it helped SO much. (Originally on a bubble hour pod cast.) Through the really rough patches, just knowing it was part of the process I had to go through, and really makes total sense! I was surprised in AA how no one seemed to know, or care (which bugged me) as I thought it was so important, and at the very least – interesting! How our brain rewires itself, etc! No one in AA also seemed to care about my blogging community and how much that helped me. I felt personally offended for you all! Haha. (Disclaimer – people did generally care about me in AA though! I still am very very glad I went!)

        Liked by 2 people

      • Hurrahforcoffee · February 19

        I have read quite a bit about it. My post sort of highlights the most important bit of the info (at least from my perspective) It’s interesting to note that AA aren’t even mentioning this to newcomers. I find that quite weird. If I had known about paws I probably wouldn’t have gone through my last 3 or 4 relapses!

        Liked by 2 people

      • shehidbehindtheglass · February 21

        I have been reading about it as I think I have a pretty severe case of it actually. I am definitely not the poster child for sobriety!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hurrahforcoffee · February 21

        me neither. x

        Liked by 1 person

      • MilesAwayGrrrl · February 21

        Yeh. I thought it was awful. It helped me SO much, and thinking about it, makes so much sense! If you’re dependent on a mind altering substance and you take it away – your mind will have some altering to do!
        That knowledge and this blog are what kept me going in my hardest moments πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · February 21

        I haven’t gone to AA so I didn’t realize that they don’t talk about it. That’s a shame as I think it’s important to know. Until I read about it I thought that something was seriously wrong with me! I’d read stories about other people feeling great, and looking great and here I am – feeling and looking terrible! It was so reassuring to read about that and think “ohhh thank goodness this can be normal and part of the process”
        I’m glad that you’re part of this amazing blogging community! Thank you for being here! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • MilesAwayGrrrl · February 21

        The pink cloud! And everyone feeling awake and losing weight, etc! I was more tired than I’d ever been, binging on sugar and definitely no pink cloud! All types welcome here πŸ™‚
        Awwww!! And thank you!! I know I wouldn’t be sober if it wasn’t for the community. And the inspiration I get from people. And the laughs! It’s crazy to think back to reading people’s blogs for the first time, thinking I could never stop drinking for 100 days… I’ve stopped counting now but I guess around 1.5 years!! Sheesh! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · February 21

        YES YES YES THAT’S ME TOO!!! Ditto on everything in your comment here, although I’m only at 4 months πŸ˜€

        Like

  6. Paul S · February 17

    Everyone I know who has been in recovery for some time has a story about boozy mixups. I have mine too. Have to be careful. I make extra sure now. Then again, I usually keep it simple – sparkling water or coffee. Maybe a cranberry soda if I am feeling festive. Bars make mistakes often. But it’s good you picked up on it right away and switched! I wouldn’t let it ruin your night though. Like I said, it’s happened to so many of us. The fact that you pushed it away right away shows that you are comitted to this!

    Liked by 3 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 17

      Thanks Paul. I have really been enjoying the fun N/A drinks because they make me feel less “stand-outy” (I can’t think of another way to describe it, sorry). The place we go to is a small little lounge with not many customers, but I guess even they make mistakes. Thank you for your words of encouragement πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  7. tiredoftreadingwater · February 17

    You did great rejecting the drink. Even if nobody else noticed you drinking it, you would know and that’s all that matters. You obviously wanted to stay sober and here you are on day 115! Awesome, well done πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  8. soberisland · February 17

    Wow! Temptation city. Good for you, eh?

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 17

      Thanks S.I.
      I think that I needed that temptation and needed to be able to turn it down because I’ve had lots of thoughts lately like “Why am I even doing this?” so I guess in a way it proved to me that I want to.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Untipsyteacher · February 17

    I usually have an AF beer, and they pour it in front of me.
    Or I have a diet coke if I want to stay awake.
    Way to go not drinking it!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

  10. justsober · February 17

    #winningπŸ˜ƒπŸ‘

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Fumbling In Canada · February 18

    You are awesome. Keep going!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. asobermiracle · February 18

    You do NOT have to start that sober counter over. I found out that Nyquil is 10 percent alcohol. My husband says you need an ID to buy it, which I didn’t know. I took it for a week while sick this winter, but like you — I AM NOT GOING BACK!!
    Good job not pretending you didn’t know there was a mix-up. I used to just live for the chance there would be one and then I would have no choice but to drink the whole thing, and maybe a few more.

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 21

      I definitely had a long hesitation there when I realized that it had alcohol in it. I’m so glad that I didn’t drink it. I know that I would have continued to drink all night, thinking that I would be able to get away with no one realizing that I was. yikes.
      I didn’t know that you need an ID to buy Nyquil! I have the craziest dreams when I take that stuff! I’m glad that you didn’t reset your counter after taking it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • asobermiracle · February 22

        In North Carolina you do. I’m guessing they are trying to keep it from kids. Jeez …
        Almost nothing will make me start over counting-wise except the purposeful drinking of an alcoholic drink. Oddly enough, that thought seems to be coming up more and more the closer I get to a year. The inner saboteur is speaking up.

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · February 22

        Yes, I am with you there – not starting over counting unless it’s a purposeful drinking of an alcohol drink.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Pingback: ramble | She Hid Behind the Glass

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