Pity party

Lately I have really been struggling with my emotions. This weekend so far has been a “why am I even doing this? Why am I having such a hard time with this? Why is my mind AND my body fighting me every step of the way?” 

My ex sister in law posted on Facebook “between dry February and exercising the past few weeks I’ve lost a lot of weight!” Really? In 2 weeks? Lucky duck. I weighed myself and I’m up another pound. 110 days sober, active as f&ck, eating healthier, drinking lots of water…. maybe it’s my age. Apparently it’s super hard to lose weight in your 40’s ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

An old friend came out for a visit from another province and we went for lunch. I texted him yesterday to say that I hoped he was having a great visit and he replied that he was, except that everyone out here looked fat and old. How nice. In my mind of course he was talking about me because that’s how I feel about myself lately, right? I grabbed my snowshoes and went out for an hour hike after that. Then when I got back in I watched the comedy channel and there was a super funny comedian on. Timing.

Anyway, signed in here quickly this morning before heading out for some fresh air and came across this post from soberish. Timing. ๐Ÿ’—

“There comes a point in sobriety where you have to force yourself to confront difficult emotions without any crutches. These are not easy moments, nor are they completely unfamiliar to you. In fact, these are the same thoughts and memories that would, in another life, drive you to open the bottle and get blasted. But now that youโ€™re sober, thereโ€™s a new, naked vulnerability invading your inner world and itโ€™s going to get harder before it gets easier.”

Wrestling With Demons

Wrestling With Demons

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26 comments

  1. soberisland · February 12

    Stay off the scale. It does you no service in the happy department. Our weight fluctuates during the day anyway so one pound is no big deal. I’ve noticed that a sober people freak out about their weight. … and I just see it as another form of the self sabotage and loathing. It’s awesome that your body could take you snowshoeing. .. and perhaps the comment by your friend was more of reflection of his own self judgements than you. … I’m fine being in my 40’s. It’s when my long time pals turned 40 that it hit home harder about being old. Be kind to yourself.

    Liked by 6 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 12

      I know… I know better than to judge by the scale. I gained so much weight in the past couple of years that I attribute mainly to drinking and I think that’s part of the reason it bothers me…
      I am very grateful that my body can take me snowshoeing. I love it, and it’s a wonderful way to get some fresh air here in the winter โ„๏ธ
      Thank you ๐Ÿ’—

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Lori · February 12

    Yep, I thought I would lose weight too. Even when I was sober for 7 months, Nada. I love that last Quote!

    Liked by 3 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 16

      Crazy, hey? I just don’t understand why. The part that kills me is that people who just simply cut back on drinking DO seem to lose weight! I don’t get it, but happy to be sober nonetheless ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. mikeykjr · February 12

    Ever since I got sober (nine years), I have done the same thing. I worry about my beer gut and have this desire to get to 165 (my weight before sobriety). Yet, I can never get there. Everyone is right – the scale is the Devil reincarnate (trying to be humorous), especially in early sobriety. During our addiction, we didn’t take care of ourselves, thus we were not a health weight. My doctor and I have had this conversation every year, my BMI is “acceptable”, thus I shouldn’t worry about it. I’m a “healthy” weight. But I still want the beer gut gone. Another impossible feat because I had surgery (my bladder) in my early 20’s, thus the “beer gut” is a result of that and can’t be undone. I’ve finally resigned to the fact it won’t go away and I’m happy with myself. Who cares what you look like on the outside. Shouldn’t we care more about who we’ve become in sobriety? Just something I remind myself when the thought crops up.

    Liked by 1 person

    • soberisland · February 12

      you do know that the BMI is a bunch of bullshit and was created by insurance companies- not scientists- to keep people in check.

      Like

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 16

      Yes, we should care more about who we are on the inside, for sure. I’m so much happier and calmer in sobriety. Far more at peace than I was when I was drinking. Hope your day is going well.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. suburbanbetty · February 12

    Better to focus on feeling good, being fit, being healthy, than losing weight (is what I keep telling myself!!)

    Liked by 2 people

  5. ainsobriety · February 12

    I threw my scale away 3 years ago. Best decision. Ever. I couldn’t never detach from the number.
    People who post things like that are looking for their ego to be stroked. It a sign of insecurity.

    Sadly, quitting drinking and weight loss don’t always go hand it hand. Focus on feeling good, moving a bit. Enjoying not feeling shitty.

    Life is beautiful.

    Liked by 4 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 16

      Life really is beautiful, and I really am enjoying feeling good! I don’t miss those daily hangovers at all!

      Like

  6. Hurrahforcoffee · February 12

    You are doing great. I’m up 6kg since I stopped drinking! Also gone through a relative downer the past few weeks but it’s lifting. The thought of a drink did cross my mind but only quickly. As long as I can remember that the low or shitty emaotion will pass I’m ok. xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I Quit Wineing · February 12

    In previous attempts at sobriety I was very focussed on the fact that I was not losing weight. When it came to the crunch those feelings, along with others, took me back to drinking. This time I know already that the weight is not going to magically fall off so my mindset is different. Yes, it is frustrating but it won’t stop me doing what I know is the best thing for me. It isn’t fair that after drinking 599 or more calories a night in alcohol I can’t lose weight! But so it is. Just keep working at being the best you that you can be. I hope the emotions balance out soon.

    Liked by 2 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 16

      IQW, It is frustrating, but it also won’t stop me from doing what I know is best for me. I will just petulantly stomp my feet along the way here and there ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Untipsyteacher · February 12

    I agree with everyone else, that the most important thing is not the weight loss.
    I don’t think most people do.
    I didn’t.
    What is important is just what Anne said…live the beautiful life you are making!
    We in our culture put so much emphasis on beauty, thinness, looks, and clothes, when it would be nice if we pu the emphasis on kindness, wisdom, generosity, and empathy.
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 16

      Wendy, the funny thing is that I DO put a lot of emphasis on kindness, empathy and generosity which is why I think it’s bothering me that it’s bothering me about the weight. Which sounds weird… but it bothers me that not losing weight is bothering me. There are so many more pluses to being sober, and I’m so much more calm, peaceful and happy โค

      Like

  9. asobermiracle · February 13

    My drinking addiction morphed right into a sugar addiction. Today, for the tenth time this year alone, I am going without sugar. It’s everywhere! I know that in the past, if I give up white flour, all sugar (even ‘healthy’ ones), and really limit carbs, I will lose weight and have tons of energy. I just have to DO IT. TODAY.
    But it’s not easy because I use sweets to reward myself and to feel like I have a treat to look forward to. I use it to lift my mood. I use it like I used alcohol. And it has to stop to be truly healthy.
    Sorry for making this all about me, but I’m mentally trying to build myself up for the sugar fast. ; )

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kelly - A Better Path · February 13

      Me too. I am working on this as well. Coffee is another problem. I now give myself a high in the morning with coffee, then sugar in the afternoon. Sigh. My evenings are now high free. So I have changed the poison and the time of day, not the habit. Ugh

      Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 16

      I feel like I would claw someone’s eyes out if I tried to give up sugar. Or my head would start spinning around. hahah. Seriously though, yes I hear ya! My sugar addiction is out of control right now. I hope that your sugar fast went well ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  10. dewyplace · February 13

    Stay off it easy to say hard to do I’m up half a kilo this morning . My belt still feel loose so all good ๐Ÿ˜‚ Must be my eyes playing tricks on me ๐Ÿ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  11. soberinvegas · February 13

    i totally agree with other folks here–throw that scale out! making healthy choices and lifestyle decisions matters so much more than the number on that scale! you are making great progress–hang in there!! โค

    Liked by 1 person

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