Befuddled

I had a great weekend, and yet I am in a down mood. Why does that happen? Maybe it’s just because it’s a Monday, and it’s winter, and my brain is working at a snails’ pace lately. I have a meeting in 1/2 hr that will keep me at work quite late, and I’m in no way, shape or form prepared for it. I can’t get my butt in gear lately at all, it’s frustrating. I have all of these deadlines looming up and I just want to go home and crawl under the covers and sleep. I stare at my computer screen and sit in my office feeling like a blobby zombie. A zombified blob. (I’m not talking about the scary zombies that have tons of energy and chase after people, I’m talking about a zombie that would act like a body with no brain) Every once in a while a little spark will go off in my head “ohh… I really should do….” and then it fizzes out like a lighter that can’t ignite. Good god, if I lose my job now 3 months + into sobriety when I managed to keep it for years while drunk I will lose my shit.

On the weekend I had so many laughs. Saturday I phoned my mom (yes, sober, I don’t have to get drunk to talk to her these days, yah!), and then I called my baby sister and we laughed and laughed about everything. My youngest son and I then went out for an afternoon date of shopping and went for a sushi dinner. We had lots of laughs, so many funny things happened while we were out and about! I bought the movie “Room” and we watched it Sat night. Sunday I called my other sister and we had such a great conversation and lots of laughs too. I hate living so far away from my sisters. Then I rented the movie “The Girl on the Train”. I had read the book when I first quit drinking and it really resonated with me – the whole blacking out and how scary it can be to have no or broken memories. It’s actually one of the reasons that I decided NO GOING BACK TO THAT. Watching the movie reinforced that. I made my son watch it with me and I rented a movie for him to watch afterwards by himself while I sort of watched the Superbowl, made pizza from scratch and cleaned up. I was in bed by 10:30, exhausted. I ate a lot of junk food this weekend and didn’t exercise AT ALL, and woke up feeling like I had the flu this morning. Achey, tired… bleh. My pizza though, was amazing. haha.

3 months, 1 week, 5 days = 104 days.

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35 comments

  1. Untipsyteacher · February 6

    These days will happen.
    Can you get outside for a little fresh air, even just for a 20 minute walk? (I know it’s been so cold for you).
    Or dance around the house?
    Talk to yourself as you would a really good friend.
    You don’t want to worry, or you will start to make a pattern of worry in your brain.
    (Easy for ME to say!)
    It could be you have little virus.
    You will get through this.
    Your weekend sounds really fun!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 3 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 6

      Wendy, I worry a lot about a lot! Such a bad habit, I worry about other people too, and can read a news article about someone and worry about them too. Oy.
      I just got home from work so I’m going to get on the treadmill, even if just for a walk. It “warmed up” a bit here but it’s windy and snowing out and dark. (Excuses eh?)
      Thank you for your kind words.
      Xo
      Donna

      Liked by 1 person

  2. soberisland · February 6

    It sounds like your job sucks and you should become a yoga teacher.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. betterlife1111 · February 6

    It sounds like the time with your son was really fun. (And busy!). A few of my friends felt tired and out of it today. Super Bowl, cold weather, back to work, meh! It’s that time of year. Personally, I’m ready for Spring. I hope it’s a long one.

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 6

      I’m ready for spring too!! We’ve been lucky here and it hasn’t been as bad (cold) of a winter as usual but it’s still gross.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. ainsobriety · February 6

    Monday’s can just generally suck. I hope tomorrow is better.

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 6

      I’m sure it will be. I think it is just the winter blahs, I feel like I’m noticing it more now that I’m not drinking. Wierdly enough, I spend more time looking outside in the evenings now and willing the weather to get nicer lol

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hurrahforcoffee · February 7

    Its the Winter Blahs! I’m using that term from now on. I feel the same, like I just want to crawl under a duvet and come out when it’s warmer and lighter. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Carrie Ann · February 7

    This is the hardest time of year for me too!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Merry B. Sober · February 7

    I had a similar “too close to home” reaction to The Girl on The Train… (it didn’t help that I was in Mexico, on vacation, buzzed, reading the book). I struggle this time of year too… and pizza always makes me feel like I have the flu the next day. I enjoyed this post. Makes me feel like I’m not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 7

      Really pizza does? Hmm… I really should start noting what I have eaten the day prior to not feeling well. I get such random one day of not feeling well and then fine the next days. Thank you for stopping by Merry! I’m glad that you enjoyed this post. I don’t think that any of us should feel alone, whether it’s during our journey to sobriety or not enjoying winter. Have a great day!

      Like

  8. MrsMac · February 7

    Mondays and winter blahs are awful. I’m sure I suffer from a little bit of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) As i always feel better come spring. I do think you can get a pink cloud moment around 3 months too, which once passed can make you feel a bit flat in comparison. It will pass xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Paul S · February 7

    I have found the lack of light this winter to be a bummer (I have never been affected by lack of sunlight, but this year…another story!) so I get the blah’s kind of thing happening there. I also know that early on in my recovery I felt like a zombie – I was still adjusting to a new life, and my brain and emotions were lagging far behind! But I love that you were able to connect with family and just have fun with them and chill out and such. Makes life a little bit simpler and enjoyable.

    Blessings
    Paul

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 7

      Thank you Paul! Honestly I’m wondering if this is partly because this is the first winter in a long time that I didn’t just drown it out… I’m forced to pay attention to my surroundings, and those surroundings include early dark nights, and bitter cold yikes. I will have to start putting my tv on the comedy channel each evening šŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  10. soberinvegas · February 7

    pizza from scratch–yum!

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 7

      I know! I put shredded chicken breast and my favourite cheeses and lots of veggies and then I pick off all the veggies! (just kidding, I don’t pick them ALL off)

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Elizabeth · February 7

    Winter blahs going on big time here too. Can’t seem to develop any consistency with exercise- sloth mode as well. Missing my family but it feels so good to be able to want to call them without opening a bottle of wine. Congratulations on 104!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · February 7

      Thanks Elizabeth! Yes I know what you mean about not wanting to open a bottle of wine before calling, it surprises me every time I have a good phone convo while sober haha

      Liked by 1 person

  12. tiredoftreadingwater · February 8

    I’m doing the hibernating thing too – I can’t stop falling asleep every few hours! Hang in there, spring is coming soon – I hope, brrrr! 104 days is awesome. Hugs šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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