100

100 days today. This seems & feels sooo huge and I want to tell everyone I know that “I MADE IT 100 DAYS!!” Woot woot! I told my boyfriend last night that I was at 99 days yesterday and excited about my 100 today, kind of secretly hoping that he would at least congratulate me this morning but he didn’t. Eh, I try not to let his lack of support through this bother me. If the tables were turned and it was him who was making all these big changes and trying to improve himself, I can imagine that I would be confused about it all as well. And big changes have I ever made! Wow, talk about ripple effect! I told you all that I would be more positive today and I’m going to celebrate my 100 days of sobriety by celebrating all the GOOD that has happened these past few months!

Hair – I know that I said that my hair is pretty thin and unhealthy, but honestly it has improved so much since I quit drinking & smoking. It SHINES! There is lots of new growth too, poking out. Hopefully this means that it will start getting thicker.

Energy – this one is kind of back and forth as it seems to come in waves, but I feel like I have a lot more energy than I did before. Maybe it’s because I’m not fighting hangovers in the morning, and lazing around drinking in the evening. I’m finding things to do, and keeping busy and feeling a lot more energetic!

Healthy focus / healthier choices – I used to eat so much crap when I was drinking. 10pm nacchhoooooos! Yum! Hungover and hungry, too tired to make myself a breakfast or lunch and always buying something. I have been pre-making my lunches, and since I’m up early to go for a run, I’m hungry in the morning so I eat breakfast too before I leave for work! I’ve been trying to add a lot more fruits and veggies to my diet too, and trying to really be conscious about what I’m eating.

Makeup/skin care routine – This one I’ve never been great with, but when you go to bed sober, you have a higher chance of putting the moisturizing cream on, and wiping off most of your makeup, and brushing your teeth. When you’re waking up feeling great and not hungover, you’re more likely to make sure you look presentable before heading to work… just sayin’

Body & face – I haven’t lost ANY weight according to the scale, but my clothes are fitting differently and I can really notice a difference in my face. I actually had someone drop by my office today and do a double take and say “Wow! Have you lost a lot of weight? I haven’t seen you in ages and you look GREAT!”. Now if you saw what I’m wearing today you’d laugh because it’s freezing outside so I’m wearing a big shawl like top and mukluks. She was saying that from looking at my face. Not losing weight has been really frustrating for me as I honestly thought that would come off noticeably and quickly. My boyfriend is a huge part of me feeling down about this as he’s quite judgemental and “holier than thou”. Before I quit drinking he used to make comments about “well, you’d lose weight if you quit drinking!”. He sits on the couch upstairs with his big beer belly hanging out, snacking on chips and drinking beer or rum and cokes while I go down to the basement to exercise night after night with my bottle of water and proclaims that he’ll lose weight if he starts eating more veggies or cuts back on his drinking. He cut back on his drinking a bit (only 4 days last week!), and goes and walks on the treadmill twice in 3 days for about 15 minutes and smugly tells me that he lost weight. Urrghhh!! I just keep telling myself that my body is in shock and trying to figure out what’s going on and I will get there. I also tell myself that I am doing this for ME, not for his stupid approval, and I am doing great. This isn’t about losing weight, it’s about staying sober and being healthier. ❤

Water intake – I AM SO THIRSTY! haha, seriously I can’t drink enough water. I don’t like drinking water so I add lemon juice or make fruit infused water. The other day I bought some sparkling water that was on sale and omg I love it! I’m also drinking lots of decaf tea.

Not so shaky – My hands don’t tremble! I’m not as shaky, and that is so nice.

Sweet tooth – thankfully my sugar cravings have calmed the heck down a bit from that first month. I still get them a lot though, and pretty strong. I’m including this in the list of positives because it has forced me to try to satisfy them a bit with more healthier choices – fresh fruit salads, medjool dates (I use these to make a fake caramel dip for apples that is SO good!) Larabar bites, cherry tomatoes, etc. I still eat chocolate but I’m not insanely gobbling down cookies, cakes, fudge and 5 chocolate bars a day like I was in the beginning.

Finances – well I have to laugh at this one a bit because I’m actually in worse financial shape than I was before. I’ve been spending a lot of money on the fun but expensive N/A drinks (san pellegrino limonatas, specialty root beers, etc), food, and also splurging on treating myself to things like going to a really great salon for a hair colour and cut, and buying myself special treats. Plus I went a little overboard at Christmas buying presents haha. I also bought new flooring for the kitchen in my house. There’s lot of things that I have spent money on that I wouldn’t have been able to do before, or couldn’t do before because I just never had any extra money. I look at my NOMO app on my phone and it tells me that I have saved $1,565.83 on drinking and  $668.17 on smoking since I quit both just over 3 months ago and I just think “HOW?! How the heck did I find the money for those?! No wonder I could never afford anything and was going deeper and deeper in debt each month and year”. It’s insane.

Introspection – this one has been HUGE, HUGE HUGE for me. I have done so much soul-searching and self-examination these past few months. It has been really an eye opener and I have had many discussions with myself. I always seem to be talking to myself these days haha. I have always been super sensitive to other peoples emotions and energies, and drinking for me, was a way to dull that (or enhance it if it was good energy). For example, I can’t go to funerals. I get so completely overwhelmed by the feelings of sadness surrounding me that I just can’t handle it, I don’t know what to do or how to function. If I’m in a small area where emotions are running high and people are upset or angry I have to get out ASAP. When I’ve been in situations like that I usually head straight for the booze. Lounges or pubs where people are having a great time and socializing have always been a draw for me because they’re usually happy; it’s a good atmosphere. Drinking just went hand in hand with that as it normally does in a drinking establishment. My own emotions are usually bottled up and my walls are high, which is not a good thing.  These past few months I have had to learn how to try to deal with all of this without being able to dull it or run away from it. I’ve had a lot of conversations with myself trying to figure out why I’m feeling certain ways and what has been setting off my moods and what I can do to calm myself down or work through it. I’m finding though, that it’s getting easier and I’m not blowing things way out of proportion or stewing on them like I was when I was drinking. Life seems simpler, and overall I feel a lot calmer and more centered.

Next goal is 150 🙂