Scaredy Pants

I was watching the show Vikings last night on the History channel and they kept having commercials for the show “Alone” – a reality show where people have to survive in the wild all alone. Whenever I see shows like that, I have to laugh, not at the participants’ expense or anything but because I know for a fact that there is absolutely no way in hell I would EVER be able to do something like that. I am a big fat scaredy pants, and I will fully own that. I wouldn’t have any problem living off the land, and I don’t think that I’d have too much of a problem being by myself. Dealing with wild animals though? That terrifies me. They would smell my fear from miles around. Even beautiful, timid deer scare me – “that animal could stomp me to death” is what I think when I get up close to them, knees knocking together with fear.

This morning when I was driving to work, I thought more about that type of show. I thought that maybe, MAYBE, if there was a show like that but the participants were allowed to live in little houses then I could perhaps visualize myself doing it. Of course, I would only go out in daylight to forage for food and collect water, and any snap of a twig type sound that I heard would send me scurrying back to the safety of the house.

I don’t know where my  fear of wild animals really even came from. When I was young my mom would march me out and about in mountains and wilderness and point out different edible plants and flowers, and demonstrate how to do things like crush certain mosses down into a flour like substance to mix with water and cook over an open fire. She would gleefully tell me how wild animals are more scared of us than we are of them, and proclaim that people who get attacked by cougars and grizzlies were just acting stupidly. Maybe my fear of wild animals came from a fear of my mom thinking that I was stupid. Maybe I’ve built that “little house” around me over the years, my safety net; my bottles of wine that I scurry back to every time something feels scary or overwhelming.

When I was driving and thinking about this all this morning, I thought about some of the things that I’ve hidden behind the glass over. Fear. Drinking always made me feel funnier, sexier, more adventurous (in many different areas in life). How could I navigate through life and situations without that? Now that I’m sober, I’m trying to find the real me, and it’s really interesting and more than a little scary actually. I’m adventurous, but not recklessly so like I was when I was drunk. I love to laugh over silly things so I guess that makes me a little funny, and the other day I even got up close to one of those “has the potential to stomp you to death even though they look cute and innocent” bambi creatures, so maybe I’m braver than I thought all those years that I spent hiding behind the wine glass 😉 I know that it’s not going to be all perfect and wonderful but I’m sure that there will be a lot of perfect and wonderful moments in the future, and a lot of times that I’m going to have to face my fears, and face them sober. I think I’m finally ready to take more adventurous walks further and further from my little house. 93 days today ❤

 

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32 comments

  1. soberisland · January 26

    You can be scared and brave at the same time.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I Quit Wineing · January 26

    I get nervous about wild animals too! Heck, I have a phobia about mice! Your mom taught you some wonderful skills. I was intrigued reading about the flour.

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · January 26

      Apparently it’s bitter. It was the long flowy moss that hung from tree branches that she said to use. The edible plant that always stuck in that seems to grow everywhere is bulrush. The fluffy part on the top can be pounded into flour to make bannock or pancakes, the stalks (especially young shoots or soft part inside) are edible – can be boiled, eaten raw or used in stew, and the root is like a potato and can be cooked just like you would with a potato, or eaten raw. She taught me lots more too, hopefully it will all come back if ever required 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • I Quit Wineing · January 27

        That kind of stuff fascinates me. There was a programme on TV a few years back with a man who detailed information about surviving in the Australian Bush. I couldn’t believe how much food was available in nature! Of course the Australian Aborigines have known about this for years. I am not sure that I could ever eat a Witchetty Grub though!

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · January 27

        I think I’d be going vegetarian pretty quickly if I had to survive in the wilderness! Unless I could find some chocolate growing wild that I could cover ants in ahahaha 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • I Quit Wineing · January 28

        Funny you said that, I saw chocolate coated crickets in a fancy food store the other day!! So weird.

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · January 28

        Nom nom nom ickkkk

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hurrahforcoffee · January 26

    Well done on 93 days!!!!! You are very brave:) The people participating in that show are just weird.:) xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · January 26

      Thank you hurrah 🙂 🙂

      Like

      • soberisland · January 26

        They can’t really be alone, the camera crew is there???? I haven’t seen the show.

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · January 26

        I haven’t seen it either, just the previews on tv. Maybe they’re filming it all with selfie sticks? Not sure how they keep their batteries charged up! Haha. Those shows seem so staged a lot of the time 😊

        Liked by 2 people

      • soberisland · January 26

        I lived on a remote island group and the Australian version of survivor was set up on a little island not too far for a kayak- so we went and checked it out and it was total paradise with amenities. They even had a bar with generators and shit.

        Liked by 2 people

      • shehidbehindtheglass · January 26

        Oh man… so disappointing 😒

        Liked by 1 person

      • soberisland · January 26

        Sorry. It helps with your fears, right? They aren’t as big as you make them out to be in your head.

        Liked by 2 people

      • shehidbehindtheglass · January 26

        You know, that’s so true. Sometimes we build things up so much that they become so incredibly overwhelmingly scary, when in fact they aren’t.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. soberisland · January 26

    Are you talking about Spanish moss? I thought that stuff was itchy and poisonous.

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · January 26

      She used to just call it lichen (sp?) I think the only poisonous moss is a yellow weird looking stuff? For the record I’m not encouraging anyone to go out and start eating moss! 😅😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • soberisland · January 26

        Don’t worry. I’m still getting used to kale.

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · January 26

        I make a zuppa Toscana soup and put kale in it – one of the few ways I can eat it (and probably defeats the healthy part of kale! Lol)

        Liked by 1 person

      • soberisland · January 26

        Actually, I like it. I make beans and greens all the time.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. TheWinoThatIKnow · January 26

    93 days- wow! Please tell me it gets easier
    TWTIK

    Liked by 2 people

    • Untipsyteacher · January 26

      It does!!
      xoxo
      Wendy

      Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · January 26

      Yes! Slowly you start to have more good days than bad, and lots of aha moments, lots of mornings and days where you think “oh thank god I didn’t drink last night”, situations where you’re SO happy and thankful you’re sober, and lots of tests too. It really has been a crazy journey so far! I had a horrible day today, came home and had a hissy fit, chugged back a can of San pelligrino lemonata and had a great conversation with my significant other about what happened today to put me in such a bad mood. Tomorrow I will tackle it with fresh eyes. Drinking me would have bought 2 bottles of wine on the way home, taken my bad mood out on everyone in my path at home and woken up tomorrow feeling crappy.
      A lot of days it can be one day at a time, or even one hour at a time but it gets easier, and from what I’m already seeing, and from what I’ve heard, it’s really worth it! Hang in there!

      Liked by 3 people

  6. Untipsyteacher · January 26

    I think the people in recovery are super brave.
    It’s not easy being sober in this drinking world.
    We have to live life “in the raw” as Mrs. D tells us.
    We are brave, open to new lessons, new learnings, and now we get freedom!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Merry B. Sober · January 27

    Great Stuff…Love reading your blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Elizabeth · January 27

    Congratulations on 93!

    Like

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