Give me time

I checked my nomo sobriety clock app this morning and I see that it’s my 90 days today! Yay!

I have written a bit lately about the roller coaster feeling the past few weeks, and this past weekend a couple of things happened that really drove home to me why I’m happy I’m not drinking these days.

#1 – On Friday I had an all day meeting in the city – one that I have written about during early sobriety as it is a meeting that I have once a month, always on a Friday and it always used to be followed by a date night with drinks blah blah blah… anyway… I was driving home from the meeting (no date night after it) and was really fighting the “I just want to pick up a bottle of wine on the way home” sad little feeling. Instead of pulling into the little store that sells wine, I pulled into the gas station to buy some munchie stuff to take my mind off the wine urge. There were two older guys in there, dressed in the reflector type shirts that people working outside wear. They were drunk. Really drunk. Making lewd comments, REEKING of alcohol. They thought that the comments that they were making to other customers were funny but honestly I couldn’t pay for my stuff and get out of there fast enough. Oh my gosh, I thought as I drove away, that could have been me – stupid drunk making stupid “funny” (obnoxious) comments to strangers. I don’t think I’d have been leering at younger women and making lewd comments but who knows…

#2 – When I got home, I was clearing off the kitchen table and noticed that my new drivers license had come in the mail. We have to get new ones here every 5 years. I had gone in to renew it in mid December, so was about 6 weeks sober at that point. I opened up the envelope and looked at the pic on my new license in utter shock and disbelief. I pulled out my old license and put them side by side as a lump formed in my throat and I fought back tears. I looked TERRIBLE in the new one. I mean, absolutely completely horribly terrible like an old alcoholic woman about 20 years older than I am. I still want to cry about it actually, and I’m not a vain person at all but those two pics side by side, from only 5 years apart were so strikingly different it’s unbelievable. I have been avoiding having my picture taken the past couple of years but I guess when I look in the mirror I’m not seeing just how bad I really look. I’ve been looking at myself through beer goggles I guess, or wine glass goggles.

#3 – The boyfriend, who has cut his drinking way way wayyyy back over the past couple of months to once a week when he goes out with friends and a few beers here and there after he’s been working outside or whatever, had some drinking buddy friends drop by unexpectedly last Wednesday evening. I’ll give him kudos, he had one stiff drink and several beers, not much at all. Then on Thursday evening he had work function and had about 6-7 drinks there. Friday he had a retirement party after work and drank quite a bit. Saturday one of our neighbours (a very heavy drinker) dropped by in the afternoon and they drank all afternoon and all evening, hard and fast. I was out all afternoon but just after I got home they invited his wife over for dinner. Her and I are pretty good friends so we had some really good conversation and laughs. Boyfriend got a crappy night’s sleep, I got a great one. Boyfriend was dragging ass all Sunday feeling awful and I got out, had fun, went to a wedding show and out for dinner with my son’s fiance. Woke up this morning to no power so I got ready for work by flashlight while the boyfriend called in sick because he didn’t want to go in to work without having a shower.

So these are things that I learned over the past few days:
– drinking heavily really did change my looks, a LOT. (I’m sure that smoking also contributed significantly)
– All of those times that I went grocery shopping or ran into a store after I’d been drinking, yep I’m pretty sure now that people could smell it on me.
– After months of the boyfriend carefully moderating his drinking, it was really really easy for him to slip back into old habits for 4 days straight, and feel like crap after it.
– I really do get a lot more done and accomplished when I’m not drinking.

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19 comments

  1. Merry B. Sober · January 23

    90 Days Congrats! (I can totally relate to getting more done!!!!!…and your other points of learning!) Kudos to YOU

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Elizabeth · January 23

    Congrats and keep up the awesome work! πŸ’•

    Liked by 1 person

  3. moderndaygirlsober · January 23

    congrats, 90 days is amazing!!! i have that same nomo app, its cute!! i’m at day 5 lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · January 23

      Congrats on 5 days!! The $$ saved section on that app is a big eye opener for me. yikes!

      Liked by 1 person

      • moderndaygirlsober · January 24

        Thank you!! As I read this yesterday I was a bit shameful bc I was feeling the day 5 itch of throwing in the towel again and letting alcohol win. Why is it always 5 days in this happens?? Every time for me. I didn’t thankfully, and actually for once have my boyfriend to thank for that, not allowing us to pick up drinks after work. Go him!! So happy this morning I’m not dried out n hungover, phewf – dodged a bullet. So much $ saved hey??!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · January 24

        Yes, lots of $ saved! Not that I can tell because I’ve been spending it all on candy hahaha, just kidding.

        Like

      • moderndaygirlsober · January 24

        😹😹

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Mark David Goodson · January 23

    Congrats on 90 days! That is awesome. Great realizations. I love when I realize all the new ways that my life is better without drugs and alcohol.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. daisy4leafclover · January 23

    Oh God reading this made me cringe, I live 2 doors away from the shop and the thousands of times I have been in there talking crap, buying more alcohol, and the local chip shop talking crap and me thinking they don’t know I’m drunk. I can also picture myself drunk making jokes with barmen and them looking at me strangely and I couldn’t work out why. I wondered if my words were muddled but they sounded OK to me.
    90 days is fab, well done!

    Liked by 2 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · January 23

      Daisy, me too! I always thought I was soooo funny. Yikes, me trying to be funny without a filter is a pretty scary thought. (Thanks for the congrats btw, I can’t believe I’m at 90 days already!)

      Like

  6. dewyplace · January 23

    That’s great. You’ve done well . I’ve lost 2kg on my end so very happy.
    Don’t worry about the photo on the licence . It’s the bad lighting and no smiling that does it. I always look like a bag lady😩

    Like

  7. asobermiracle · January 24

    On a very encouraging note — your looks will continue to improve! It seems like repairing your skin is at the tail end of your body’s recovery process. I looked about the same until the 6-9 month mark and then I could see that my face was finally gaining some improvement, and I lost that weathered look of heavy drinking. So hang in there and you will see big improvements in the next few months. ; )

    Liked by 2 people

  8. SWMum · January 26

    I haven’t been checking in much recently but I’m so glad I read this. I just had my passport redone, and when it arrived last week my first thought was ‘my god, I’m stuck with this picture for the next 10 years!!’ I look like a cast member of prisoner cell block H!! Since stopping drinking it seems like my skin, hair, weight, have all deteriorated. Some of it is the compensatory chocolate and cake, some of it is the blinkers coming off, I can see what I’ve ignored for a long time. One thing I can be certain of though.. I sure as hell don’t stink of booze in the school playground.. amen to that. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · January 26

      We will be laughing about these pics a year from now, I’m sure! but it sure is aggravating when you assume that by quitting drinking you’re going to look fabulous, lose weight and look positively radiant and then we go through the stage of looking like this! total BS! hahaha. We’ll get through and we will look amazing after our bodies have finished cussing us out πŸ˜‰ xx

      Like

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