I made those cauliflower “buffalo chicken wings” last night. They were NOT like chicken wings. They weren’t like chicken wings at all! I’m not saying that they were bad, or “don’t waste your time making these”, but let’s call a spade a spade here – they were batter coated cauliflower with a buffalo sauce on them. If someone had said to me “hey, I found a great recipe for cauliflower and it has a buffalo sauce like you put on chicken wings. It’s pretty good, for a cauliflower recipe” then I would have said “hey, cool. I’ll give that a try”. Instead… I felt ripped off because I was craving chicken wings and I tried substituting “chicken wings” for the real ones, when I probably should have thought a little harder about what I was craving. Chicken? Hot sauce? Something crispy coated with hot sauce? The simple act of eating something with my fingers? When I was picking up the ingredients for those, I also picked up some stew meat to make a stew on the weekend because it is flippin’ cold here and I want some nice hot comfort food. As I was driving home I suddenly thought “OMG! Do I even know how to make stew without adding red wine to it?!” (The answer is no. I will have to look up some recipes and hope that they end up tasting somewhat similar to the stew that I love the taste of)
Wouldn’t it be nice if someone could just snap their fingers at us and our brains would be completely retrained to stop thinking about drinking? “Looooook at me… stare at this wine cork I’m swinging on a string in front of your face. I’m going to count to 3 and you’ll feel sleepy…” Instead we get to do it ourselves, one step, one experience, one special occasion, one memory, one day at at time. I keep thinking ahead and panicking a bit “How am I going to go camping this summer without drinking?!” “How am I going to go on 5 different flights during April and May and not drink on any of them?!” “How am I going to stay dry in Vegas?! Will I still love Vegas through sober eyes?” “How am I going to make stew without wine?” I know it’s easy to say “don’t think ahead or worry about the future” but I’m a planner, and planning ahead is also part of my job. Thinking about little details and the possible unforeseen’s is also part of my job so it’s easy to fall into that train of thought. I just need to find a way to remove the thoughts of alcohol/drinking related thoughts, or maybe, as it was with the chicken wings, pull those thoughts apart and figure out what it really is I’m worried about. One day at a time… it’s gotten me to 80 days so far lol.