Scrooged

Day 62, officially 2 months, and the day after my first sober Christmas. I’m (unexpectedly) home alone and I’ve had a mental roller coaster of a few days with some pretty lowly lows in there. I have the rest of the week off work. The bottle of wine in the hallway closet and the bottle of vodka in the liquor cupboard aren’t just whispering to me today, they’re full on screaming my name. Why is it that we crave alcohol or drugs or food or whatever during times of stress or duress? I’ve played the “how are you feeling and why are you feeling that way” game hundreds of times over the past few days in an attempt to work things through mentally in an attempt to shush the voice. My mind is just not being kind to me lately. How do non addictive personality types deal with stress and bad days? Do they feel it differently? Do they just acknowledge it and ride it out because they know it will end and things will turn around? 

I will not drink tonight. I refuse. I will go snowshoeing in the dark, or have a hot shower or bath, or walk on the treadmill or do yoga or wrap myself up like a mummy and watch a movie or read a book. Or maybe all of the above if doing just one doesn’t work. Anything to re-focus. Anything to make it through another night where I’m aching for escape. 

๐Ÿ’—

Donna

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39 comments

  1. I Quit Wineing · December 26

    I don’t know how those without addictive personalities deal with stress. I have only ever coped with the help of my addictions! whether that be food, shopping or alcohol. I think exercise is helping me. It doesn’t feel as enjoyable as a glass of wine but at least I don’t have all the bad side effects like hangovers, blackouts and health risk associated with alcohol. Congratulations on two months.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Rob · December 27

    Do not fall victim to your demons mind! Just keep telling yourself you don’t drink you’re not a drinker. Do anything but pick up! Hang in there it gets better!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. ainsobriety · December 27

    I think everyone struggles. They just move on to the bubble bath or snowshoeing faster.
    Don’t drink. The problems will still be there tomorrow, plus a hangover.

    And get rid of the booze when you can. A booze free house helps enormously.

    Hug

    Liked by 5 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · December 27

      Thank you Anne, yes it’s so true that the problems will be there tomorrow, plus a hangover! A booze free house isn’t an option here yet for me.

      Like

  4. audreycandoit · December 27

    Donna – You’re doing great – 2 months – a lot of people out here would kill for that amount of time booze free. Hang in there, it does get better (really). I found I turned to booze not only in times of stress, but also in the ensuing let down after a major stress – that’s what you may be going through. Everything’s done, NOW I can relax, chill out, get drunk. Don’t do it!! You’ll hate yourself in the morning – you know that. Keep plodding along. Start a new hobby, clean the house, do something that makes you happy and proud that you are sober. And definitely get rid of the booze. I sent all the extra bottles I got home with the kids after Christmas…get it out or it will be calling your name – it really can talk!…haha!
    Big hugs, Audrey

    Liked by 2 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · December 27

      Thank you Audrey. I think mine is a “I’m tired of trying to hold it together and I just want that release”. The boyfriend and I have been at each other’s throats lately and I’ve been SO mad with him and that booze is his. He brought home kahlua and vodka before Christmas “in case any ladies stop by who would like to drink paralyzers!” REALLY??! Oh I could wrong his neck sometimes, he’s so stupidly clueless and I’m just taking it personally as him being unsupportive. (Sorry for the rant haha) I will keep plodding along. Thank you for being here.

      Like

  5. mooseylou · December 27

    I haven’t made it to over 30 days but three times in the last year. The first time I attempted to quit I was strong willed to quit. I was changing other patterns as well to become healthier. The day I decided to quit I still had a bottle of unopened wine. One night the wine called louder than my will to quit. I wonder had I not had the bottle available would I have driven 25 miles to buy a bottle? I don’t know, and I’ll never know. If you are really sold on this quit thing….I would suggest ditching the stash because you many have a weak moment to where the wine makes promises you can’t refuse. Just sayin’. โค

    Liked by 3 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · December 27

      I would love to ditch the stash but it’s not mine to ditch. It’s the boyfriends (except the wine which was supposed to be long gone as a Christmas gift to someone). It is incredibly hard having it in the house on the rough days

      Liked by 1 person

      • mooseylou · December 27

        Oh okay. ๐Ÿ™. I am sorry that is the case. It is so hard when our significant other is choosing a different path.

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · December 27

        It really is. He has cut back a lot though, so maybe eventually he will quit.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. asobermiracle · December 27

    I am so glad you are hanging in there, Donna. I had a few moments myself, trapped at long holiday events where everyone else was drinking, when I thought, “I am the only stressed-out person here.” It wasn’t true — I just projected my idea that drinking people are not stressed. The truth is that they might not be stressed at that moment, but that their hangover WILL GREATLY INTENSIFY THEIR STRESS LEVELS as it will yours. So if you want more stress, drinking is helpful. If you want to feel worse, drink even more. Drinking is the cause of stress and depression.
    If I can keep drilling that into my thick head, I can eventually break the connection between stress and the desire for alcohol. My brain and body are healing. The only thing that could reverse that is to drink.
    Let yourself heal!

    Liked by 3 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · December 27

      Thank you! You’re so right. It’s easy to look at people while they’re drinking and think about how much fun they’re having in that moment without thinking about the ramifications of it. Friends of ours got so drunk on Christmas Eve that they were still hurting on the 26th. What a fun Christmas.

      Liked by 2 people

      • asobermiracle · December 27

        I am reading a mystery now called “In a dark, dark wood,” and they have these long drinking (and drugging) scenes and all of the unpleasant aftermath. I am so happy not to be drinking this holiday. ; )

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · December 27

        Interesting! I haven’t heard of that book. Is it well written?

        Liked by 1 person

      • asobermiracle · December 28

        Yes it is. It’s supposed to be really scary. I usually avoid those kind of books but I was given it for Christmas. Will keep you posted …

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · December 28

        Please do!

        Like

    • Elizabeth · December 27

      I most definitely think people drink as a response to their stress. Especially at this time of year- awkward social occasions, too much money spent, forced family issues, etc. etc.- But yes the rebound effect is worse- jangled nerves and crappy self esteem… which in turn…. lead to Yes, I’ll have another. And the wheel goes round and round. Good to ‘see’ you sobermiracle!

      Liked by 2 people

      • asobermiracle · December 28

        Good to ‘see’ you too. It’s funny that you can get right off the wheel, look back at it, and forget what riding it was like. Jangled nerves — I don’t think I have those anymore. Yay!

        Liked by 2 people

  7. Merry B. Sober · December 27

    Your honesty is an inspiration. I made it through the Christmas Holiday…the next challenge…holiday in the mountains (that WAS generally paired with alcohol). Taking books, knitting, movies, snow boots!

    Liked by 4 people

  8. justsober · December 27

    Hang in there!! Maybe it’s not the booze you need to get rid of๐Ÿค”

    Liked by 3 people

    • Elizabeth · December 27

      Ohh.. I liked that one too much justsober! Although I’m sure you meant ‘not only’ the booze if I understood correctly. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • Elizabeth · December 27

        I was thinking of my former husband. I needed him gone and now I’m working on the easy (Ha- Ha) part. Both are hard. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

        Like

      • justsober · December 28

        You understood correctly. Our battle against the booze requires undivided, full-on support in our homes…..which includes our partners. Especially in the beginning, for success to sobriety to even be possible. If our partner doesn’t have a problem with alcohol then keeping it out of the home shouldn’t be an issue for them. We just need to be honest with ourselves with what we can and cannot accept on our road to recovery. Everyone is different. I for one could not be successful if my partner continued to drink regularly in the home. A party or special occasion would be fine. Lucky for me my husband doesn’t drink..at all. But I have had to stay away from some close neighborhood friends to avoid temptation. I’m not that strong yet. Still got my training wheels on.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. dewyplace · December 27

    I’d just tip it down the sink ๐Ÿ˜„ he’ll be right ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 2 people

  10. beingmesober · December 27

    Maybe think about not having the alcohol in the house. Your brain is in training mode right now. Your mentality is so used to dealing with the stress through a hazed head, through a fog of distorted intoxicated thinking. You are now forcing your mind to deal with the emotions you once buried in your bottle. Sober. You can do it, stay strong. It is so worth it! Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. green&sober · December 28

    Hi Donna, I hope you managed to still the voice. Exercise always works as a little bit of a reset for me! Or just being outside. X

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · December 28

      Thank you green&sober! I’ve been out snowshoeing and plan on trying to get out every day this week. I also re-hooked up the wii console and fitness games I bought 8 yrs ago and am making a point of going downstairs (where the tv is its connected to) and playing those in the evening. There’s some fun ones so it gets me active and laughing at the same time ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

      • green&sober · December 28

        Great ๐Ÿ™‚ we have to make a conscious effort to do different things. Even changing up the place that I sat in the evening helped to get me out of the old familiar mindset xxx

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · December 28

        It’s amazing how things are intertwined like that – even now when I drive on new roads I crave a cigarette!

        Liked by 1 person

      • green&sober · December 30

        Brains are very strange things indeed!! ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · December 30

        Isn’t that the truth!

        Like

  12. Hurrahforcoffee · December 28

    Hope feel better now honey?

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Untipsyteacher · December 28

    I am glad you got great advice and encouragement!
    My hubs has a non-additive personality, and he just deals with things differently. But I can’t explain it.
    I know I am way better, but I still can get hooked easily by computer games, or ice cream!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

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