Day 62, officially 2 months, and the day after my first sober Christmas. I’m (unexpectedly) home alone and I’ve had a mental roller coaster of a few days with some pretty lowly lows in there. I have the rest of the week off work. The bottle of wine in the hallway closet and the bottle of vodka in the liquor cupboard aren’t just whispering to me today, they’re full on screaming my name. Why is it that we crave alcohol or drugs or food or whatever during times of stress or duress? I’ve played the “how are you feeling and why are you feeling that way” game hundreds of times over the past few days in an attempt to work things through mentally in an attempt to shush the voice. My mind is just not being kind to me lately. How do non addictive personality types deal with stress and bad days? Do they feel it differently? Do they just acknowledge it and ride it out because they know it will end and things will turn around?
I will not drink tonight. I refuse. I will go snowshoeing in the dark, or have a hot shower or bath, or walk on the treadmill or do yoga or wrap myself up like a mummy and watch a movie or read a book. Or maybe all of the above if doing just one doesn’t work. Anything to re-focus. Anything to make it through another night where I’m aching for escape.