Sights and smells

49 days. How many more days until January 1st and I can breathe a little sigh of relief for making it through my first holiday season sober? The other night the boyfriend came home with a bottle of wine in a gift bag. “I ran into friends and they gave me this for you”, and plunked it down on the table in front of me while I was wrapping presents. I inhaled sharply then exhaled slowly. “That’s so nice of them, but could you please put it somewhere else?” I asked him, picking up the bag and handing it to him. He put it back down in front of me. “They gave it to you” he said as he walked away. I picked it up and put it in the hall closet on the top shelf. Later that evening (and the evenings since) he has made himself spiced rum and cokes, pouring them within a few feet of where I’ve been. The smell of spiced rum is something that I used to really enjoy. It’s amazing what feelings that invokes. Instant internal struggle.

I don’t expect people who haven’t had to go through this to have any idea or clue whatsoever what it’s like. I want to be gentle and kind when dealing with this sort of thing, explaining softly and politely how hard it is for me, how it’s a constant internal struggle and how coming face to face with temptation in the one place where I should feel sheltered and safe feels ridiculously unfair. I keep my mouth firmly closed though, teeth clenched, tongue bitten because I KNOW if I open it to say anything, what will come out will be anger, frustration, maybe even hate or rage, sadness and god only knows what else and then I will be the bad person yet again, just sober this time.

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18 comments

  1. Rob · December 13

    You can’t stuff your feekings, it’s going to bite you in the ass. I think you know how I feel about your boyfriends complete lack of support and, sorry, ignorance to your well being. It’s time you got it out, you have to before bad things happen. Please, I mean this in the most loving way. You can’t keep on letting him subtly sabotage you, and that’s just what the f $%& it is. Oh, it pissed me off!

    Liked by 7 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · December 13

      *sigh* I know… I don’t stuff them too far down though, I have a long drive to work with not a lot of other drivers on the roads I take and I rant and rave and shake my fists, point my fingers and pretty much carry on like a lunatic for the hour drive, getting lots of things said out loud in my empty car hahaha! It is a huge stress reliever though! And then I have a good laugh at myself and spend the last 15 minutes or so marveling at the beauty of the landscape I’m driving by. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Rob · December 13

        That is great but wrong audience my dear lol. You need to talk to him 😆

        Liked by 1 person

      • Rob · December 13

        You know you can’t get over on me lol

        Like

    • gagalgoingdry · January 2

      I thought the same thing Rob but then in typical female fashion thought well maybe I’m reading too much into it. First comment was yours and you thought exactly what I thought and a light came on, it isn’t a man or woman thing, it’s a surrounding ourselves with people that love and care and want us to succeed thing.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. moderndaygirlsober · December 13

    Put him in his place, it’s a must 👏🏼

    Liked by 1 person

  3. janebare · December 13

    I had a difficult/impossible time quitting while my partner drank. See, sober blog posts from 2013 that only lasted 3 weeks. So good for you for going this far under the circumstances.

    Jason Vale (How to kick the drink, easily) says “Most drinkers you meet will secretly envy you.” And that may be an explanation for his behaviour. I know I secretly envied non-drinkers – and couldn’t wrap my head around how they did it.

    Another resource I use besides Jason Vale – is this blog. Check it out. http://www.hipsobriety.com/home/2015/2/2/what-to-do-when-someone-buys-you-a-drink-and-you-dont-drink?rq=when%20someone%20buys%20you%20a%20drink

    Liked by 2 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · December 13

      Jane, I’ve just spent the past hour reading soooo many posts on the hip sobriety website that were linked to on the side column of the post that you linked to! haha, thank you! I’m going to have to explore her site a bit more when I have some more time, I really like her style of writing!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. sauvignonblackout · December 13

    You are doing so well! Bit annoyed with your boyfriend….there’s ‘not getting it’ and then there’s just plain ‘rubbing your face in it’. Which one is he?? Big hugs, it’s bloody hard resisting drinks this time of year xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · December 13

      I honestly don’t feel like he’s trying to be malicious about it, but he’s not clueless either. Maybe he’s having a hard time not being the center of my attention anymore now that I’m focusing more on myself? I’m putting myself first instead of him, and I’m definitely not massaging his ego like I was before, and I’m sure that that’s a terribly difficult adjustment for him to deal with.

      Like

      • sauvignonblackout · December 13

        Yes probably. But that is still pretty selfish of him…Plus he might be thinking it isn’t as fun drinking on his own, so he is just testing your resolve ‘just in case’… the problem is that it’s hard enough trying to figure out your own brain right now, without worrying about where his shortfalls in his ego might be. Christmas time is double tricky as it is… Just don’t let your bloke take the piss and end up pulling the rug from under you xxxxx

        Liked by 2 people

      • shehidbehindtheglass · December 13

        Oh that’s probably exactly what he’s doing. Too bad for him I’m a stubborn old girl lol.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Hurrahforcoffee · December 13

    I see you had lots of advice on this post already. I can only say I feel for you. My husband drank throughout my one and a half years of sobriety (I’ve had many stints as you may well know already) it created so much tension in the relationship it was awful. If he were a moderate drinker like one beer on a weekend then it might not have been so bad. Think your boyfriend misses his drinking buddy and obvs doesn’t get that you are going through something deeper. Like you say it’s not malicious. Hope he makes peace with it soon.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I Quit Wineing · December 13

    My husband still drinks, quite heavily although he wouldn’t admit to that. It is not easy. Just remember that Christmas Day is only one day in the grand scheme of things. Make sure you have a plan in place so as not to get caught out on the day. If you need to buy some non alcoholic drinks to replace the alcohol then do so. I spent my first non alcoholic Christmas last year. It was far from easy but I did it. I fell off the wagon in February, how stupid was that. This year will be my second without alcohol but I am making sure that I am much better prepared. I have a plan! sort of…….

    Liked by 2 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · December 13

      Thank you, I Quit Wineing! We can make it through and congrats to you for quitting again after Feb!

      Like

  7. Mark David Goodson · December 16

    The holidays are so tough. We are surrounded by all the things that made us drink or so we said in the first place. Take this thing one day at a time! I know for me I get to meetings and talk to my sponsor during that time. If you do those things

    Liked by 1 person

  8. beingmesober · December 17

    Hi, I’ve written to you before as well about the guy your with. I will share with you the proper support of people who care enough about you that they would NEVER, put you at risk. My husband, boyfriend at the time, took every single ounce of booze out our home and my site. He went out with the boys every Friday, as usual and if I wanted to join I could. He made it a point every Friday for almost a year, to be at home by 6 and watched movies with me! That’s the proper support you need. Your boyfriend, or lack there of has absolutely no respect for you and does not care. 4 words, GET RID OF HIM. And shout it loud and clear why when his ass hits the door on the way out. You are NOT alone, you have all of us! Go get em!

    Like

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