Sense

I’ve written, deleted and rewritten this several times already this morning. A typical Monday morning where my thoughts are jumping around all over the place – thinking about the week ahead and the weekend that just passed by. Today is day 20. It would have been day 49 if I hadn’t had those few relapses the first 29 days, but I am so proud of myself for making it to 20 days since then. It hasn’t been easy, that’s for sure! Prior to 49 days ago, I don’t think I had more than 2 days in a row sober in YEARS. The past few days I have started to have a little more energy. I have been cleaning the house more – I’m more aware of how messy it was getting. I bought some natural cleaning products that smell great, bought one of those scented wax melt things and scented wax for it that I really like, and started using perfume again because my sense of smell is coming back. I bought and used some face masks because I’m suddenly more conscious of how dry and patchy my face looks. I have been baking (found a fantastic brown sugar banana bread recipe), and enjoying cooking (roast pork with rosemary & garlic and baby potatoes last night!) because not only am I enjoying the taste of food again, but I’m finding it almost cathartic to be in the kitchen, creating, cooking, baking. I have always loved cooking,  but to be quite honest, I have always had a bottle of wine on hand to drink while I’m in the kitchen. The past few years I may have made some great meals, but I haven’t exactly been “present” for enjoying the taste of them and my nose was always so buried in a glass of wine that I don’t even remember the last time that I really took in and enjoyed the smells of what was cooking. I’m trying to ground myself, find calm and peace where I can in the chaos of what my mind and body are going through. The lovely meal last night? I took my plate downstairs to the basement and ate it sitting in front of the tv, watching a show that I wanted to watch, savouring the taste of the food rather than sit upstairs with my boyfriend. Rude of me? Maybe. Self-preservation? Yup. I didn’t want to ruin the happy and calm vibe I had going on.

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13 comments

  1. Untipsyteacher · November 14

    I think it is so important to guard your sobriety and your peace of mind as you work through the changes that happen.
    Just reading about your smells makes me feel calmer!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hurrahforcoffee · November 15

    Sounds amazing and delicious! I also love cooking but toward the end the cooking was more of an excuse to start drinking my hangover away on a Sunday. It sounds like you are doing some lovely things to take care of yourself. It’s good that you recognise that you are going through a MASSIVE life change. Your brain has to recallibrate, recover and create new pathways, it takes time. xxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Rob · December 9

    Do for you whenever you need to do for you! I LOVE banana bread, can you mail me some from Canada? lol Doesn’t it feel great to get back slowly to center? I love to cook too, but ultimately grilling is my thing.

    Liked by 1 person

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