I wanted to buy a necklace today. Not anything expensive or fancy, but something fun and funky. I work in a pretty small little town so I do try to spend some money in different stores to support the local economy. There’s one little shop that sells art supplies and jewelry so today I stopped in there for the first time. Cute little shop. Lots of different jewelry from lots of different artists. I think. The owner swooped down on me like I was the first living soul she had seen in months. I barely had time to get the words “I’m just looking for a necklace for myself” out before she was running in zigzags all over the store pulling out different items so enthusiastically that I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I just wanted to look around in peace and quiet. I get a little frazzled and frustrated in that type of situation. I hate being rude to people, I really do, and she was obviously really enjoying having someone in the store and excited about the prospect of making a sale. She wasn’t pushy or anything… but she didn’t even ask me what type or style I was looking for. When she pointed out something in a display case that had some longer silver (or apparently stainless steel) thin chains, I pointed to those and said “Oh, can I see those? I think that may be the length I’m looking for”. This delighted her actually and she zipped off to another corner of the store that had brooches and gleefully exclaimed that I could make my OWN necklace by stringing the chain through the brooch. (Is that how you even spell that?!) At this point I’m starting to mentally plan my escape when I see this little round hoop shaped thing that I can put on the stainless steel chain, and it’s only $10 (same price as a bottle of wine – that’s a sign! ;-)) This little hoop (about the size of a penny) has 2 tiny little horse shoes and 2 tiny little four leaf clovers on the edge of it. I tell the woman that I think that’s what I want. She gives me a weird look and tells me that THOSE are for holding lucky pennies. I tell her that the next penny I find on the ground will be my lucky one. Those are rare to find these days because we don’t use pennies anymore in our currency. So needless to say, I left the store feeling frustrated that I didn’t even get a chance to really look for what I wanted, and I ended up buying something that I actually really DIDN’T want. I came back to my office and stared at the necklace, slowly turning it over in my hands, rubbing the four leaf clovers and poking my finger through the hoop. I put it on and critically inspected the length – not the length I wanted – guess I’ll have to get used to that too. Ok so it’s not what I was planning on getting, but now that I’m wearing it, I actually do like it. I am excited about looking for a lucky penny too, haha.
While typing this out, I had a little laugh to myself as it made me think that this is how I feel about sobriety right now too. I felt a little forced into it at the beginning; it was sort of what I wanted but not really; as I got used to it, it started to grow on me and started to look better than I originally thought it would; I’m curious about it and keep feeling it out to see how it works in different situations; it’s going to take time to get used to it; and… I’m excited about what surprises or lucky pennies I may find in the future due to my eyes being a little more wide open and paying attention to my surroundings more.
Took a picture of it because I’m pretty bad at trying to explain things – that’s the size in relation to the tea tag in my cup of tea.
PS – Day 16!! Over half way to one month sober!