Crummy day 10

Today was a tough one for me. Every 2 months I have a meeting that I really look forward to. Today was the meeting day. I look forward to this meeting for a number of reasons: great group of people, the meeting is right downtown in the city, its always on a Friday and we always finish early. After the meeting I usually do some grocery shopping at the neat little stores around there, pick up a bottle of wine for the evening, and head to a pub on the way home where my boyfriend meets me for our “date night”. These are the only “date nights” that we have had in a long time. I usually have an hour to kill before he meets me there so I sit at our favourite table and have a few drinks and people watch. I look forward to this whole day in general for the entire 2 months leading up to it. Last night my boyfriend told me that he wasn’t going to meet me tonight and that he was stopping by an old drinking buddy’s house on the way home instead. Driving to the meeting this morning I just felt…. pissy. Pouty. Discombobulated. Not only was my whole day going to be completely different because it was going to be alcohol free but now I was getting shoved to the side for him to go drinking. Again. That feeling built up all day until I quite honestly felt like howling with fury. Thoughts of going home and curling up on the couch with a glass of wine pushed their way into my thoughts over and over and OVER again no matter what I did to try to squash them back down. I kept telling myself no no no…. I can do this and tonight after these stupid thoughts and feelings pass I’m going to do my day 10 blog and laugh at myself for acting and feeling that way. After the meeting I stopped by a little used clothing store and found a sweater I absolutely LOVED and $10! Same price as a bottle of wine 🙂. Then I stopped at the grocery store (ours don’t sell alcohol like the ones in the states) and slowly walked every. Single. Aisle. Slowly. Reading labels, picking up and inspecting fruit. You name it – anything I could to reverse my mood and alter my train of thought before I went home. I also bought about 10 different kinds of drinks, including kulbacha. I bought spinach dip and fresh bread, and when I got home I curled up on the couch with that and a book and read for an hour. I think, I HOPE that the mood and ravenous craving for a drink has passed. And here I am, at day 10.

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11 comments

  1. Tina · November 4

    I wanted to give you props on the diversion tactic, very clever. Tomorrow will be my second attempt, my first lasted 6 months, and I will be 60 days sober tomorrow. I can relate to everything you are saying with the exception that I am married and my husband mainly continues to drink every night and has been known to call my cell and ask me to grab him some booze on my way home, REALLY!!! I don’t of course. To put it bluntly I am the only one around me who is not drinking and I would love to find someone to chat with.

    Liked by 3 people

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 5

      Hi Tina! Congrats on 60 days! AND the 6 months as well, that’s awesome!! I live with my boyfriend and have written in prior posts about the way he’s been acting since I quit drinking. Having this amazing cyber community has been my saving grace – I honestly don’t think I would have made it this far without it. Hope you have a great weekend!

      Like

  2. asobermiracle · November 5

    Everyone around you should have to sign a contract that they will do NOTHING to make sobriety difficult for you, and maybe even go out of their way to make it easier.

    But they don’t.

    I love what you did here, because at what could be perceived as not exactly loving behavior from your boyfriend caused you to double-down on love for yourself. That is extraordinary, when you think about it. It’s a 180 degree turn from how most of us react. And it will get you through anything.

    I used to think I had to play along with drinking sometimes to “preserve” the relationship I have. We met while drinking, continued to drink, and he still drinks. I was the one who changed, not him.
    But it never worked out in the long run. I would immediately be drinking too much and it did nothing to help the relationship except for the one or two hours we were drinking. I had to accept that my not drinking was the new normal, not a temporary health kick to be tossed aside when it caused someone else discomfort.

    Falling in love with yourself sounds ridiculous and new-agey, but my God it works! You draw love and respect from all kinds of sources, and those that don’t suit you fall away. But you stand your ground and heal and get stronger, and every area of your life begins to reflect that.

    I’m so glad you are hanging in there.

    XOXO,

    Shawna

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 5

      Hmmm I didn’t think of it that way Shawna, but you are so right. Being able to love ourselves (through good and bad) is so important in this journey. We don’t have to like ourselves all the time, and it’s ok to tell ourselves “I really don’t like the way you’re behaving right now, but I love you and you’ll get through this.” I’m so glad you’re hanging in there too!

      Liked by 1 person

      • asobermiracle · November 5

        It really is a work in progress. I don’t think “love yourself” is one of things we learn as a kid. It’s like restarting your brain.
        I hope today is wonderful. ; )

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hurrahforcoffee · November 5

    Well done! It get’s easier the more you do it! Remind yourself that you are not being deprived of anything. Alcohol is a liar.

    I’ve found that arguing with the craving makes it stronger and it will come back in full force. Fighting with my husband is one of my biggest triggers.

    Instead try the following. Sit down somewhere and close your eyes and just feel the craving. Feel what it feels like in your body. Don’t argue and say no to it, just let it be there. Notice it.

    It will crest like a wave and dissapear.

    xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Untipsyteacher · November 6

    I hope your craving passed.
    I know when I have expectations and they don’t happen, I get disappointed.
    Deep breathing helps me, as well as walking.
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

  5. onebottleoneglass · November 7

    Way to go! My husband brought home a 6-pack of my favorite beer in my very early sober days…even after his claims of being supportive. Ugh. Proud of you for not drinking, and for facing it head on, well played!

    Liked by 1 person

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