Day 6

I am so thankful that I did that online search last week to look for bloggers who were also on this journey. I am so glad that I decided to start this blog myself in attempt to keep myself accountable, because this and the sweet words of encouragement and check-ins from people who have never even met me is what kept me going during a weekend of hell at home.

I don’t know what’s going on with my boyfriend, I honestly don’t understand his reaction to this (me quitting drinking) at all. We’ve been together for over 2 years and I have never seen this side of him. We’re both divorced (I was married for 15 yrs, he was married for 20). I didn’t really start drinking until after my marriage ended 9 years ago, but he has always been a drinker – heavier when he was younger. I haven’t made this about him at all, and I haven’t said anything to him about wanting him to quit drinking. He cut back on drinking a few months ago and made plenty of comments about my drinking “Oh, into the wine already?” when I’d pour myself a glass after I got home while I was making dinner, “maybe you’d lose weight if you weren’t drinking a bucket of wine a night”. Glares or rolling eyes when I brought a bottle home (so I just started sneaking in boxes and refilling the two wine bottles when he wasn’t in the room).

I guess I should thank him – it wasn’t until I started hiding the wine, trying to hide the drinking, drinking before I got home so that I’d have a buzz and not have to drink as much at home in front of him to get the effect I wanted, hiding a box of wine in the basement near the treadmill so that I could fill up my water bottle with wine and run on the treadmill every night so that I could drink without getting the stink-eye from him, getting up after he fell asleep so that I could sneak in a few more glasses of wine to help me sleep… that I really had to face the fact that I had a problem.

Sooo…. why is he being such a dick about me quitting? Why is he all of a sudden drinking more than I have seen him drink in ages? Yesterday he was going to go and pick up a case of beer to drop off at his friends house as a thank you for watching our place while we were gone the other week. That turned into him packing a 6-pack for himself, going over there at 3pm, asking me to have dinner ready at 6:30 and then not getting home til 7:30, pissed drunk. No, I didn’t wait to eat, I ate at 6:30, and no, I didn’t confront him or say anything to him as I was heading out to drop by my son’s house for a quick visit when he got home. I’m not even mad about it, I’m just sad about it, and confused.

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9 comments

  1. Untipsyteacher · October 31, 2016

    Sometimes when we change it threatens the other person.
    Perhaps your boyfriend is scared he is really losing his drinking buddy.
    I used to hide my wine from my hubs in the lower level by exercise equipment, too!
    In any case, I am so glad you are quitting.
    xo
    Wendy

    Like

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 1, 2016

      Thank you Wendy! Haha, hidden wine by exercise equipment must be the health benefits I always heard about ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Like

  2. asobermiracle · November 1, 2016

    I think it’s hugely threatening to (some) people close to you when you stop drinking. If you can do this, they seem to think, what else are you capable of? Leaving the relationship? Also, they can no longer point to you as the “real” lush to justify their own drinking. It’s almost like you now have more currency in the relationship. Drinking takes your power away, and with the return of power, other people are threatened. I had a best friend who did something similar. I think in her mind, I was the weaker one, and I became a different and more assertive person, even with just my occasional bouts of sobriety. She wanted me to play my role, and I didn’t want to.
    I’m so glad that here in our sober universe you are finding support! I am so amazed that it has kept me accountable as well. More so than people I see every day.
    XX,
    Shawna

    Liked by 1 person

    • shehidbehindtheglass · November 1, 2016

      Shawna…. this comment… first of all, thank you thank you thank you. Secondly, I wish that anyone else on this journey who is dealing with this type of behaviour, whether from a partner or friend, could read this. I think that I have spent so long feeling bad about myself, guilty, etc that my brain just automatically tells me that if I’m being treated that way I must have done something wrong again.
      The support here is amazing and so appreciated ๐Ÿ’ž

      Liked by 1 person

      • asobermiracle · November 1, 2016

        I found a life of drinking did the same thing to me — you are used to feelings shame. You blame yourself for your drinking, and it beats you down to the point of being someone else almost. The real you would never put up with the kind of treatment you end up receiving because you feel so unworthy of love. On the flip side, once you quit drinking you get much stronger fast! One day you’re just wondering around in a post-drinking fog, and the next day you are feeling a power well up inside you. You begin to perceive yourself as beautiful and strong, the way you are, in truth.
        It’s worth fighting for. ; )

        Liked by 1 person

      • shehidbehindtheglass · November 1, 2016

        Urghh.. those post drinking fogs were awful. And memory lapses or not being able to remember words. I would be trying to have a conversation or trying to explain something to someone and draw complete blanks on certain words! Common words! I felt so dumb so often. I’d try to laugh it off and joke about it but it really truly bothered me.

        Liked by 1 person

      • asobermiracle · November 1, 2016

        I know! I did that in meetings at my old job one too many times, I think. I once claimed I had not been in a meeting, and then several other people chimed in, saying, “Yeah, you were there.” It was just the accumulated brain damage from years of drinking. I took an online test for memory (years ago) and tested into a third grade level for instant recall. Wow. I forgot about all that until now. I am so glad the fog has lifted!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hurrahforcoffee · November 1, 2016

    Perhaps your partner is scared that if you stop that will shine a spotlight on his relationship with alcohol? Whatever the case may be, stick to your guns. This is the best decision you can make for yourself! Lots of luck.xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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