I am so thankful that I did that online search last week to look for bloggers who were also on this journey. I am so glad that I decided to start this blog myself in attempt to keep myself accountable, because this and the sweet words of encouragement and check-ins from people who have never even met me is what kept me going during a weekend of hell at home.
I don’t know what’s going on with my boyfriend, I honestly don’t understand his reaction to this (me quitting drinking) at all. We’ve been together for over 2 years and I have never seen this side of him. We’re both divorced (I was married for 15 yrs, he was married for 20). I didn’t really start drinking until after my marriage ended 9 years ago, but he has always been a drinker – heavier when he was younger. I haven’t made this about him at all, and I haven’t said anything to him about wanting him to quit drinking. He cut back on drinking a few months ago and made plenty of comments about my drinking “Oh, into the wine already?” when I’d pour myself a glass after I got home while I was making dinner, “maybe you’d lose weight if you weren’t drinking a bucket of wine a night”. Glares or rolling eyes when I brought a bottle home (so I just started sneaking in boxes and refilling the two wine bottles when he wasn’t in the room).
I guess I should thank him – it wasn’t until I started hiding the wine, trying to hide the drinking, drinking before I got home so that I’d have a buzz and not have to drink as much at home in front of him to get the effect I wanted, hiding a box of wine in the basement near the treadmill so that I could fill up my water bottle with wine and run on the treadmill every night so that I could drink without getting the stink-eye from him, getting up after he fell asleep so that I could sneak in a few more glasses of wine to help me sleep… that I really had to face the fact that I had a problem.
Sooo…. why is he being such a dick about me quitting? Why is he all of a sudden drinking more than I have seen him drink in ages? Yesterday he was going to go and pick up a case of beer to drop off at his friends house as a thank you for watching our place while we were gone the other week. That turned into him packing a 6-pack for himself, going over there at 3pm, asking me to have dinner ready at 6:30 and then not getting home til 7:30, pissed drunk. No, I didn’t wait to eat, I ate at 6:30, and no, I didn’t confront him or say anything to him as I was heading out to drop by my son’s house for a quick visit when he got home. I’m not even mad about it, I’m just sad about it, and confused.